..::my reflection::..

50;50 This is it!

2012-01-16T13:10:00.000+08:00

Oh my! Today's the day. The day that I will be getting my results.
None but only He knows how I will spend my days after this. SubhanAllah. How helpless; after striving; shedding tears and sweat, finally today has come.

Evrytime I talk about result, I swear my stomach would have a funny feeling, my heart beats faster and my whole body feels cold. Huh :'/ Pls lets just put that aside for a moment.

I wanna tell you about my usrah session yesterday. I love my usrah :)
Yesterday was my turn to give tazkirah :D *psst, dnt tell anyone, but I personally love giving tazkirah* haha! funny right? I really do like sharing my knowledge with others who are willing to listen to me.
and that is one of the beauty of usrah; it allows you to build confidence and detect your weakness in public speaking. I mean where else would you find a crowd whose intention is only the best for you!

Anyways, yesterday I presented a lovely story which I had found here --> Read me! :)

I love this story; you can really extract many good morals out of this short story. To me; it reflects back to myself. AFter doing a few more research for my tazkirah, I stumble upon this message:

"You can read up to 10 pages of Quran per day; that's good. Though, after you have closed the Quran, can you explain to other people at least an ayat of what you have read?"

SubhanAllah; *PANG!!* tembak terus ke jantung! haha! *reflect back to yourself too*

My tazkirah then ended wth a hadith that I personally love:

The Devil [Iblis] said, “If I am successful in persuading man to do three things, then that will be all I need:

◕ To make forget his sins.
◕ To regard his good deeds as too many.
◕ To be proud of his own opinion."

[Dirar ibn Murrah]

Amazing hadith isn't it? I was really touched by the last point:

"to be proud of his own opinion"

SubhanAllah, trust me, I personally have seen people whom I knew of before to be humble, but when many people started seeking her opinion for almost all educational matters, she became egoistic and it was visible through her actions. *looking at a mirror*

Yup, I was one of them. After reading this hadith; I felt like crying. Hating myself of what I have become.

His (Allah) servants are always confronting one of these two tribulations. Either wealth/good life or a disaster. ~~I was tested with a good life~~ ; Alhamdulillah but IT FEELS AS IF i HAVE FAILED. Certainly.
I have forgotten where I came from. I had forgotten how to respect other people.

I had forgotten to "treat others like how you want them to treat you". MasyaAllah.

ALhamdulillah, over time after the discovery of that hadith, I started to ponder upon myself, trying hard to reflect and change myself often. I still am trying till now, which is why I think they said Istiqamah is a journey of a long and rough road. Though you must never be astray/deviate from the path itself.

Huh; alhamdulillah I have this platform to say what I feel and let others who cares knows how I feel and my view on certain things. I am certainly not right always, so please dear readers, correct me if im wrong; for I have only YOU to be with me :')

Alhamdulillah; that will be all for now.
Please make dua for my results.

p.s: ILY too sister Suria :))

Learning from those around you..

2012-01-13T10:38:00.001+08:00

Salam alayk..

Sorry i havnt been updating you dear "MR". For the past few days, not only have I been having allergic rhinitis; also im suffereing from a temporary *hopefully* writer's block. #pfft!AsIfIWriteEveryday -.-"

Nevertheless, here's what I've been thinking;

After making some observation and mostly reflecting upon myself, I have come to a conclusion.
I am egoistic! *does that word even exist?!

Yes, ironically; that's the LAST thing i want to be.
I havE posted in FB once before that our dear beloved prophet Nabi Muhammad saw, made his ego; his friend *pls do correct me if im wrong*

Anyways, to me.. It translates; not that he actually became a person who portrays his ego, instead we have to look at it the other way round..
Firstly, Look at how Muhammad saw takes care of his friends.. Full of gentleness, kindness,
and love! How I wish to be this way :/

To do this, first of all, seperate thyslf from ur own ego. Be humble.

And the most important lesson that Ive learned during this past few days Is; people are not following you!

Everyone has their own journey; love and appreciate evryone's individual journey. Even if they might seem to be doing the same thing as you are, but we are all in the path to seek Him :') our One Creator; the Almighty. The one common thing that we all have is Him! Only He have the power to bring our hearts together.. And to you dear friend *youknowwhoyouare wink2* i love you as my sister in Islam. Im terribly sorry for my past ego! Im trying to bring it down. Sometimes in the midst of competition, we may forget how to be humble; and that is why Muhammad saw made it his frind; so that the ego will always be a reminder of the things or the personality that we wish not to be. Salam alayk fr now

#gonna have lunch wih bestie Suria today :))

The lingering question..

2012-01-09T01:39:00.000+08:00

It's almost 1.30am..
My eyes feels a little sore,
Yawning every 3-4mins,
Sore neck,

..yet the heart is still in pain

will this end?

The neurons are still firing,
transmitting..
"Am I the one at fault?"
"Tell me what is wrong with me?"
"How did it get to this?"

The heart and the mind are at war with one another..and im stuck in the middle.

They say; this war will also kill me one day.
Which is why the soul keeps telling me that I cant please everyone.

The whole body needs to be in full awareness, tolerant of one another. Though is that the same as the human relationship?

Tell me; how do you ignore these voices in your head? Tell me; how do you sleep soundlessly at night while there are bombings between the heart and mind. Tell me; how do you stop thinking and move on normally?

I cant please everyone, thus I am weak.

.....

"Strive to learn how to listen attentively and understand others before expecting the same treatment."
InsyaAllah

Back in the game!

2012-01-07T18:47:00.001+08:00

Yes, you heard me :D Im back baby!

InsyaAllah, may He grants me the 'istiqamah' to continue writing in my dear "MR" :)

So, firstly,
Alhamdulillahhhhhhh!!! :D Im done with my second Professional Exams which had just ended less than 24 hrs ago. Undeniably, I'm scared of the result ~~which will be out on the 16th;~~ though I have to always keep telling myself,

"There is nothing more you can do now, ~~you did your best~~ and certain things that you forgot in exams maybe is just isn't your 'rezeki'. He knows best"

MasyaAllah, the whole 5 weeks of studies had been stressful, hectic, crazy, full of ups and downs and certainly a few life-changing events. Yup, you heard me..."life-changing". :)

One of them was #TwinsofFaith! of which i dont regret even one cent of my money going for the conference. It's like; finally, here we are, sitting in a conference full of non-judgemental, open-minded, awesome people! and you are constantly being reminded of Him :) What a bliss!

Had the #ToF fever for a few days after that ~~which had disturbed my studies a bit~~, but I DIDN'T CARE. hahaha. I loved all the speakers :) They certainly managed to make me think, and realize of how minute knowledge I have in me. Haih.

Syeikh Alaa was one of my favourite sheikh. Why? haha
Because he is super funny YET SubhanAllah, a great preacher.

WHen I looked at him, I would always reflect back to myself. I sometimes consider myself as a slight 'joker', probably I got that from my mum, haha! #LoveyouMama.
Everytime I'm in my 'awesome circle', I would tend to make the environment less "tense" :/ I dont really know how to describe it. Basically, I just love making people laugh, as it itself brings joy to me.

~~Though whenever I'm mad, I can certainly be really mad~~ :P and people say Im scary. Blah! haha

After it all, I would feel slightly bad, as if my kind of personality did not fit into my circle. It made me think, am I the one who is being wrong here? ~~Or is this just one of those stupid feelings that I have to learn to push aside?~~ *Thinks again, and Im gonna give you my answer on that tomorrow iA.

Another speaker, entertainer actually; Muslim Belal! :) Owh, how he had made me teary that night when he tole us the story of his journey. SubhanAllah, every single one of us have our very one original journey. Nevermind if sometimes we might think that ~~some people are trying to copy us and actually doing it better than us~~ we are not that perfect, nevertheless, He Loves each and every one of us :) and when you ask for His hidayah, InsyaAllah, He will present it to you, you just have to not only open your eyes, but also your heart and mind.

Right! enough of blogging for now, will write again tomorrow insyaAllah. ~~Going to watch "Sherlock Holmes 3"~~

#PleaseprayforExcellenceinmyExamResults :) Amin

Wise words to calm the heart

2011-06-06T23:46:00.001+08:00

feeling lighter of emotions..after i found this..

I AM THIS CLOSE TO BREAKING DOWN!!

2011-06-06T22:30:00.001+08:00

i wanna cry; let me cry the whole day!
leave me in my bed!
i wanna cover my head with pillow!
i wanna talk to my pillow! i wanna cry!
CRY MY HEART OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANNA SCREAMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

:'(((((((((((((((

Allow me to present you with a sneak peak of my problems:

1. I wanna talk to my bestfriend, Suria. face-to-face. heart-to-heart. tears-to-tears!

2. I have to find a way to controlll my temper. ~~Sadly, it has returned with a vengeance.~~

3. I need to plaster the holes of my dignity; ~~sadly, i had shot it too many times. My own dignity.~~
~~I shot my own dignity~~. *hates myself*

4. I NEED to be my old self back!

5. I need to find a new houseeeeee! *stress habis meletop!*

6. I want to detach myself from the world. *sorry, correction. I NEED to detach myself from the world!

*sigh*

Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah :'( Allah..Allah..Allah...Allah...Allah...Allah

racist!

2011-06-05T17:03:00.003+08:00

Salam alayk everyone.

*Urgh! dush 'backspace' button on the keyboard! stares at the screen fr 2 mins, tngok sini-sana, sambil gathering idea utk statement yg first2 ni!*

That is my usual routine i tell ya. Mmg slalu xda idea, tp the isi dh mmg siap karang dah dlm otak. Just lambat sikit nak buat entry yg awesome. Hopefully.

Anyways, 'racist'! Not going into the serious part of the topic; xda mood.
My post today will be based on a theory my brain had made me think.

R~~andom*** 'I dont not want to be like everyone else! I wanna write what i think is right!'~~

Back to the topic; I have always wondered, if i had entered boarding school, will i be different? Will my personality be any different?

My answer is: Of course it would be different.

Come to think of it, Alhamdulillah, im glad my mum had never let me enter any boarding school; no matter how great they are. Undoubtly, they are awesome.

"Semua sekolah top2 dlm country beb!" kan, kan??

When I first started in INTEC, i had always felt inferior habis. I was like "OMG, why am i here? Bdk2 ni dr sek top2 kot, semua best student lagi. pernah dpt award dr menteri ni la mentri tu la" gasp!

Me? Im just another normal innocent student back in Assunta.
xdpt pn best student. x pn ketua pengawas ni ke tu ke. x pn any teacher's pet. x pn popular.
I was just your normal average Malay student yg dilabelkan as the tudung girls. Wah! =_=

*~~Little do ppl know, they are actually downgrading you with that title. : /~~

anyhow, I AM GLAD THAT I WAS FROM ASSUNTA!
why? because i learned how to compete with others, at the same time, i am used to not getting any attn to my achievement.

yes, stress nk dpt result baik2 iA, tp xda perasaan nk bgtau org lain. malas. asal my mum and nenek tau cukupla.
why? BECAUSE IM ALWAYS THE BACKSTAGE CREW! THE PPL BEHIND THE SCENE.
so what? :P i dnt mind.

*i think im way off topic*

do you get where im going with this? No :PPPP?

Well, here is what i think. Sometimes when you dont expose yourself from an early age of what the outside world is truly like, then you'd have a tough time adjusting yourself. This is why i had placed 'racist' as a title of my post. Most of the smartypants back in Assunta were non-Malays, and so i am used to that kind of competitive environment. This, i consider to be a minor test from the real world.

Will you ever grow having the same type of people around you all the time? At some point of your life, you'd have to learn how to socialize! Eka Irina are you paying attn to this?!

I actually dnt know why i am writing this in the first place, ppl might have their their own views on this matter. I cant agree more, BUT this is my point of view, and i just want to voice it out.

Salam alayk.
mood: *blur*

My First Post as A First Year Medical Student

2011-05-30T01:52:00.001+08:00

Salam alayk.

Yeay!! Done with first year. one down, 4 more to go, insyaAllah. If Allah wills it; for we can only plan things, but He will be the One making the final decisions. SubhanAllah, I pray that my friends and I will make it through this. InsyaAllah!! Amin! (amin everyone! :D)

My First Post as A Medical Student (dated 21st Oct 2010) had carved a smile on my face. Im in disbelief of how time flies! My dear bestie once said "Eka, tgkla nnt, pejam celik, pejam celik, dah hbs first year"
Boy, was she right!

I seriously cannot stop smiling while writing this post. Why?
Actually i wasnt planning on writing anything here yet (xda ilham :P), but then i started scrolling down my blog. I was trying to find for a specific post i wrote once, but still couldn't find it. Maybe I should put a search engine widget in my blog! Hah! How funni~

As i was randomly scrolling down my beloved blog. 'MR' i call it..i started to become emotional~ for real! I was like "wow, i cant believe i wrote all these". Not that im being taksub or anything, just that..It kinda hit me u know.
Where is she now?
Where is this girl, who had survived the cruel world of materialism?
Astaghfirullah.

The process of growing up requires exposure to various different situations in life, and the key to survival is not allowing your stand or the base of your beliefs to be altered! In any way!! NO EKA IRINA! NO!
Im sorry dear readers if you're getting kinda lost in this statement.

Let me give you an insight of a year in IMU has made me so far.
WARNING: This is a true story; and i am just extracting a single aspect of my life here, which is 'Materialism'. Bear in mind that i love IMU. Its my medical school :) Alhamdulillah im in IMU.

Right! now moving on with the true story.
Back in INTEC; no one had cared whether your using an iphone or Nokia 'cikai' (as they call it). No one had cared whether your using the first ever model of 'Acer' lappy, or a Macbook. No one cared!
That is what i call, an easy lifestyle. :) SubhanAllah, what a great environment.

Now tht im in IMU, I would be the one encouraging my friends to buy themselves the latest iphone, macbook, ipad, ipod (apple products). Why? Because almost everyone in IMU uses it.
Can you imagine the peer pressure, studying in IMU. It changes your mindset; and without a strong base, no doubt your mind will start to be corrupted by these crazy influences. Im serious. (i dnt know how to make a serius emoticon :/)

Astaghfirullah.

Im not saying that those 'equipment' are bad for you. They are good!! Amazing i would say..i use it to store all my notes, so that when i go out, i dnt hav to carry notes in my handbag! Handy huh! :D

Anyways, the point im trying to put forth here is that one must never forget the main reason why he/she is doing things. In other words, NIAT.

Why do you want an iphone?
Why do you want an ipad?
Why do you want an ipod, or even a macbook?

If its for learning purposes, good then. I encourage you to use them. BUT beware, syaitan is very deceiving; with various ways of tricking people.

Imagine this situation..
You're in a KTM train; and out of boredom, you took out your ipad, iphone (whatever) to play games. Suddenly, a tiny minute pico nano micro voice rises from deeeeeeppp within your brain cells, telling you "Wow, ur the only one here amongst all these ppl who are using an apple product."
Then a reflex action (immediate stereotyped response to a stimulus) occurs. What do you do? You would feel as if you want to 'show-off!!'

This whole situation is a process;
Innocent niat (wanting to play games or read notes) > Perasan (ingatkan dia sorg je yg ad apple) > Ujub (suatu penyakit hati yang bermaksud takjub dengan diri sendiri) > Riak (show-offfff!)

Astagfirullah. Astagfirullah. Astaghfirullah.

What has happened? Never let yourself reach the riya' phase.

It is narrated from Mahmood ibn Labeed [RA] that the Messenger of Allah [SAWS] said, “Indeed the thing that I fear most for you is the minor shirk.”
The companions asked, “And what is minor shirk, Oh Messenger of Allah [SAWS]?”
He [SAWS] said, “It is Ar-Riyaa. Allah will say to the people of riyaa on the Day of Judgement – when the people are being re-payed for their deeds – ‘Go to those who you showed off your deeds to in the worldly life then see if you can find any reward with them!’”
[Reported by Imam Ahmad and Authenticated by Shaikh Al-Albani]

SubhanAllah, I seek forgiveness from You; if i have been placed in this situation unknowingly or knowingly, unintentionally or even on purpose. I seek forgiveness from You as a humble servant. I seek mercy from Your wrath. Astaghfirullah. Astaghfirullah. Astaghfirullah Ya Allah! :'(

My muse; Niat. Stay strong on your purpose to the righteous path. Ensure that your base is strong; and always seek forgiveness, for we are merely humans.

Salam alayk.

I SEE, I FORGET. I HEAR, I REMEMBER. I DO, I UNDERSTAND.

2011-04-10T16:18:00.000+08:00

“That person who shall pursue the path of knowledge, God will direct him to the path of Paradise; and verily the superiority of a learned man over an ignorant worshipper is like that of the full moon over all the stars.”

Life is a learning process, which is why there is a saying which goes,

“He who knoweth himself, knows Allah”

Careful of the way you might interpret this; a man who knows himself, knows his rightful purpose of living in this dunya; as both His servant and caliph. That is how one will know his master.

The 10^th testament of As-syahid Hasan al Banna states that “Our obligations requires more time than that is available to us, so use time well and simplify its implementation.”

Time; is never on our side. It never once will wait for you; instead you would have to chase it yourself. As students, we always complaint of not having enough time on our side, don’t we? I mean, who doesn’t? With very little time on our side, what are we to do?! *panics*

Relax. Breath. Istighfar.

Right, now let us look at this,

Imam Ahmad's saying:

الناس أحوج إلى العلم منهم إلى الطعام و الشراب ، لأن الطعام والشراب يحتاج إليه في اليوم مرة أو مرتين ، والعلم يحتاج إليه في كل وقت
“People need knowledge more than they need food and drink, because they need food and drink two or three times a day, but they need knowledge all the time.”
["Majmu' Al-Zawaid", 1/201].

“People need knowledge more than they need food and drink…”

*Ya Rabb!* Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal rahimahullah actually made a comparison between knowledge with food and drink. Think about it, isn’t food and drink a necessity? *Hopefully all of us here eat to live, and not the other way round, InsyaAllah.* If all of us here agrees that food and drink is a necessity indeed, then what Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal rahimahullah is trying to say is; knowledge is of a higher level than ‘need’, it’s a requirement to survive. Knowledge is something that everyone must crave for, more than any food or drink. Don’t you agree?

We are indeed caliphs; gifted with the ability to think and analyze. Allah had repeatedly reminded us in His Quran about this.

To think. To analyze.

In order for us to do this, evidently we must acquire useful knowledge, don’t we? What useful knowledge should we acquire then?

Anything and everything; with one condition that is. Our way of thinking and analyzing should be based on ‘Islam’. That way, we will never be astray.

Some of you may even wonder, how do you think and analyze based on Islam?

I’d say: ‘Open your Quran, then you’ll understand.’

‘..knowledge all the time’.

What does this implies actually? To not complicate matters, I’ll subdivide this into three criteria.

Understand. Remember. Apply.

Understand the subject that you are learning about. Let’s take an example close to our hearts *insyaAllah*, the Quran. A book written by Allah; and is depicted in the most noble manner by our Muhammad saw. Note that the amount of Quran you read is not as important as the quality of your understanding.

Picture this: You read at least 10 pages of the Quran a day. At the end of the day, what do you get? (With exception of the deeds you InsyaAllah had collected, of course!)

What take-home messages do you get? What have you actually learned from the Quran? What was it that Allah had said to you?

No doubt that reading the Quran itself is better than not touching it at all. I do agree, but don’t you think that YOU would benefit more by reading the meanings as well? Understand the messages Allah is trying to put forth. Do bear in mind that deep understanding of a particular knowledge is of a higher level than merely knowing about something.

Remember! You must, MUST always remember important facts. These have to be retained in your mind, so that it will be easier for you to recall it later. Memorizing is never a favourite past-time activity of mine, and I bet it’s never is yours too! Nevertheless, all of us disregard its importance when it comes to… sunnah for example. It’s ever important for us to always remember certain important sunnah, so that not only our lives will be InsyaAllah blessed, but also it will benefit ourselves in the long run.

We all know who Muhammad saw is, don’t we? A truly humble and practical person he is, who taught us all the sunnah. If he, a normal human being could actually practice it in his daily lives, then why can’t we? Remember!

Lastly, apply the knowledge that you have learned. This third step; is easier said than done. We know that Allah loathe those who say things; but they themselves do not practice it (refer AsSaff: 3). However, keep in mind that this should not deter us from telling people of what we know so that InsyaAllah, in the long run, it would train us to perform the things that we say.

Back to the topic, now tell me, how do you apply your knowledge?

Well, one of the easiest modes of application is for you to share the knowledge that you have, by merely teaching other people. This would not only strengthen your own knowledge, but allows you to understand the topic at a greater depth. A good way to practice this is by listening to your friend reading the Quran for example. Someone once told me that listening attentively to your friend who is reading the Quran, and correcting their tajweed or pronunciation, would eventually mold you into a good listener and reciter! SubhanAllah, how great is that?

Lastly, Wahb Bin Munbih once said:

مثل الدنيا والآخرة كمثل رجل له ضرتان إن أرضى إحداهما أسخط الأخرى

“The example of the dunya (worldly life) and hereafter is like the example of a man who has two wives. If he pleases one of them, the other one will be displeased”.
[“Kitaab Dham Ad-Dunya”, 1/119].

How charming is this saying? J

Before I end my writing, please do keep in mind that you can strive to be the best of the best in this world, this provisional life; but never once should you forget of your upcoming life hereafter.

My muse: “Ya Allah, hambaMu ini memohon padaMu, berkatilah segala ilmu yang Kau curahkan padaku. Permudahkanlah bagiku untuk memahami, mengingati dan mengaplikasikan segala ilmuMu Ya Allah. Ingatkanlah ku kembali sekiranya hambaMu ini terlupa Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya hanya Engkau Yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang, dan hambaMu ini serba berserah sepenuhnya kepadaMu. Amin”

A small reminder, “Things you don't know, SEEK and ASK. Things you do know, SHARE and TELL.”

to whom does your heart belongs to?

2011-03-31T16:33:00.000+08:00

Salam

Not everyone is gifted with a perfect family. Nevetheless, everything that happens is indeed a challenge for u my dear. Haven't you realized it yet?

HE is doing this so that only HE can have your heart, not 'him'. HE deserves your heart.

Why are you not giving it to HIM then? Your creator.

Alast, you'll be the one who loses, not HIM. Trust me.

Last day of Jan 2011

2011-01-31T14:29:00.000+08:00

:) Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

27/1 - 30/1
Alhamdulillah :) im grateful to able to spend 4 days with my grandma at her house. By far, that is the longest time i've stayed in Klang since i graduated A-levels. Admittedly it hasn't been that looong, but for me, it is...supeeeer loooong.

I have always been one of my grandma's fav. :P In fact, I AM my grandma's fav first girl grandchild. I feel so lucky and blessed. :D I was raised by my grandma since i was little, and boy, how many memories had we created :')

If i were to be given a chance to tell you the whole story of my journey growing up alongside my grandma, it will take me weeks before i can stop talking! I enjoyed my school years in MGS Klang.

Let me just share a short memory :))
When i was in standard 1 to 3, i had to attend the early morning session. My grandma would woke me up, by the sound of birds! :) There was a mango tree in front of the house, and every morning, there will always be the same little birdie making the sound 'ooo-oooo, oooo-oooo..'. (you know, the one's you listen to during the evenings sometimes, yup, those birds). Anyways, my grandma would wake me up telling me..

"Eka bgn, burung tu panggil. Suruh mandi, pegi sekolah."
I would tell her "Jap, jap..5 min lagi"

She would give me 5 mins time, and sometimes, she even fell back asleep! When i realized that she was sleeping, I would race to the toilet laughing! She would then wake up and race after me, to give me a bath! :))

She even took the time to prepare for me hot water for my morning bath, since we dont have any heater in the house. :') Im pretty sure during those 'olden' days our parents love to put thick powder on our faces before we go to school. Well, so did my grandma! haha!

I used to travel to school by a trishaw everyday! :D BECA! haha! seriously, how many ppl do you know goes to school everyday riding one of those? haha! anyways, the downside is, sometimes i have to wait for along time b4 it arrives, but i didn't mind then, because every day, while waiting for the beca, my grandma would tell me amazing stories. Frankly, 'princessy' stories!
Oh how i loved them.

Then, after school, i would endulge myself in my grandma's cooking. Till now, only her cooking (besides mama's of course) would be able to warm my heart :)

Since i was little, i was 'trained' by my grandma to 'hunt' for UBAN! grey hair! hahahaha..and let me tell you, i have been doing this since kindergarten! more than a decade now! my grandma loves it, and...im the ONLY ONE in my whole large family that is able to do it soo well..hahaha..im am PROUD of this talent i'd say. cabut uban :P
When i was little, my grandma used to pay me for every strand of uban i found. At first, it was 10 sen per strand, then it went lower down to 1 sen per strand! Then, for every 'session' she would pay me rm10! :D

Nowadays, i tend to do it out of the sincerity of my heart. why? because i treasure these memories.. I LOVE cabut-ing her uban :)
i also love it when she says she loves me very much :')
because I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART TOO.. :"""")

:)) That's all for now
Salam.

It has been a while...

2010-12-30T22:21:00.000+08:00

Salam

Alhamdulillah. All praise to Allah, the All Merciful ar-Rahman. SubhanAllah, thank You Allah, although i am unworthy of thankfulness, even for the millionth time i'd say it, it will never be enough.
Alhamdulillah, for all the strength You have given me up to this moment, and the moment to come. I can never thank You enough.

I love blogging, my virtual diary, and I understand that lately you have been abandoned my little one. Im sorry dear 'mr' (my reflection), i was too busy my studies. First sem in medical school, have to get my basics right! :)
Since im on holidays now, i will try my best to fill you up dear 'mr' with stories of great significance to my life, or even just some word or two that i would like to scribble down.

Dear 'mr', i did quite a few blog walking the other day, and i learned a lot! :)
The year is coming to an end, and i know i have got to change the way im spending my time at home. Been lazy-ing around you know. Let's just hope by january, i'll be back on track :) InsyaAllah.
My mum is getting a new car this monday, insyaAllah, and im excited. Tomorrow i have got to start learning how to drive the 'Kia Spectra'. Im expecting that car to be my first car. lets pray! Amin!

Actually, i was supposed to get that car on my birthday, but somehow, one thing lead to another, and now, its postponed up to next monday. I dont mind actually, since i got my mind all wrapped up in exams a few weeks ago. While we are talking on the subject of cars, i was soooo excited when my mum first told me that she was going to give that car to me! I have always had this one particular dream since last Ramadhan. haha. Once i have gotten my own car, I will drive myself to all the beautiful masjids for prayer! :D it has been a dream of mine, still is! I love masjids :) the architecture, the purity, the majestic-ness, the warmth it lets u feel inside even if the masjid is fully air-conditioned! :) how ironic~

I still remember my first trip to masjid putrajaya with my usrah mates. It was during Ramadhan. I love that masjid :) makes me wanna go for hajj. I, Eka Irina Akma prays to go for Hajj soon! Amin! Better stock up on the $$.

'mr', sometimes its so hard for me to get that warmth and closeness with Allah inside, if im doing everything alone. I have to always grasp on things or people around me. Be close to those whom only have Allah in their hearts. I feel so weak at times. Why am i easily influenced?.....

I envy those whom are strong inside and have a firm stand on who they really are. A Muslim! A true muslim!
How i wish to be more of that. I think we all do. Bt giving the current situation in this world, i would understand the hardships of what most people have to go through in order to STAY being a true muslim.

Humans are weak beings. Can i say that? guess i just did, even if it doesnt make any sense, i dont care.:P

I guess that is one of the beauty in Islam :) SubhanAllah, alone, we might be weak, majority of us are weak! admit it! and that is why we need each other to complete the equation. For every right, there is wrong. For every up, there is down. For every life, there is death. Nevertheless, there can only be one Allah. :) The Most Powerful, Our Creator! SubhanAllah, now i trully see it. :)

Oh Ya Rabb, please let me stay near, alongside, close to those whom admire You more than anything, so that InsyaAllah, i would be like them too. Near to You, close to You, feeling Your warmth in my heart. Amin.

Salam.

My First Post as A Medical Student

2010-10-21T18:23:00.003+08:00

Salam.

Its been more than 2 months since the beggining of a new dawn of my life. Starting out on a new adventure in life. As a medical student :)

Back when i was doing my Alevels, in the olden posts of this small and quiet blog of mine, i've always talked about how i was in the process of learning more about myself. This time, its different. As of current, I am not only learning anatomy, physiology, biochemistry nor behavioural sciences..I am also learning about the outside world, the people around us..the many individualistic characters whom surrounds us everyday but we never make a point to notice them. Well now, my view of life as it is has slightly changed. I am not referring to the principles in life that i am holding too, that can never be changed :). Instead, I am referring to how i perceive others and appreciate whats best of them.

Alhamdulillah, Allah has granted me one of the greatest gift one could ask for. I never realized, all these while..all the ups and downs He had put me through for 19 years of my life is all done in order for me to mould into the person i am today :) SubhanAllah.

Alhamdulillah Ya Rabb, for giving me the strength and optimism to ignore the bad side of people and accept them for who they are!

Admittedly in this new environment I have learned of how I was before through the problems faced by those around me. Not being able to push aside the dark patches of another beings personality are amongst the problems i see in them.

Experiences makes you wiser in many ways. Patience keep you on the right track :)

I guess that is all i am able to say right now. This post is not directed to anyone personally. :)
Salam. Forgive me if I have done anything wrong to you~

Do pray that I, Tuan Eka Irina Akma binti Tuan Kamaruddin make it through medical school with a distinction. InsyaAllah. And most importantly, develop more new life skills from the people around me. AMEEN :)

to forgive and to move on

2010-07-30T08:17:00.000+08:00

an important lesson learned from House.
Yesterday has been a depressing day for me. My eyes are now swollen, head pounding, and my heart hurts. Now , i understand the meaning of being broken-hearted.

I made a mistake, and i learned from it. This time though, i learned it the 'hard' way. Alhamdulillah this incident has made me think through of what i expect from life.

When you want something. you pray hard for it. Nevertheless, things dont just roll onto your lap like puff!. If you dont put the effort into what you want to do or change, your prayers would still be answered, but in a whole different way. Sometimes joy, and at other times, it just hurts.

As i said, i made a mistake, and this affects my relationship with the people around me, 'habluminnanas'.
How would you feel if the people you love around you gives up on you?
I felt it, way too many times. Admittedly, im at fault in all those incident.
I had fallen too many times..and throughout those journey i learned not to trip onto the same rock again. InsyaAllah.

When you hurt someone, stop, and think back of what you have done. Pray so that you are given the strength to say 'sorry'. Saying 'sorry' straight from the heart is never an easy job for me. Which is why im writing this down, for my own future reference and as a message to all. Pray and leave everything to The One. Then, go up to that person, look at them straight in the eyes, and say those words,
'sorry'.

If you have managed to do it with an open heart, you would willingly, strongly, accept whatever it is that would come next in your relationship with that person. If it is meant to be that way, so be it. Everything happens for a reason.

For those reading, please pray that i would be able to mend my broken heart, and have strength to fix my relationship with a certain loved one of mine. She has been in my life since i was born, and i love her with all my heart.

Im sorry nek, i love you.

Housemates, Roomates ;P

2010-07-10T23:13:00.001+08:00

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
Hopefully i would still be able to type a few words with this pair of hands, coupled with a healthy brain; gifts from Him. insyaAllah.

MasyaAllah betapa dugaanNya bagiku amatlah besar beberapa hari kebelakangan ini. Tak tenang hati memikirkannya. Tapi apa yang ku belajar ialah untuk bersikap positif. Redha dengan takdirnya. Syarat untuk merasai keredhaan dan kerelaan dan ke-tawakal-an is firstly for you to accept the situation that you are placed in, then face it with the right mindset and direction. insyaAllah, ketenangn akan datang, walaupun seketika, nevertheless, it better than feeling sober the whole day kan? Be strong Eka! Apa ni? xmasuk IMU lagi dah risau2. I know,i have tried almost everything, i begged, i pleaded, i spent some amount of money..all for the sake to search for housemates. yes. that is what's spinning round and round through my mind lately. Rimas memikirkannya, namun tetap terpaksa tabah menerima keredhaanNya.

Susah ke nak cari teman serumah yang seagama if possible. To me, this is important as those ppl around you are the ones that would be influencing you throughout 2.5 years living in a university.
Biarlah diriku ini ditinggalkan oleh majoriti, namun akan ku berjuang untuk menetap juga bersama beberapa orang sisters ku. Life doesnt end here, pfft..melainkan dengan arahanNya. No matter if im left alone pun, i know i can survive!

Nevertheless, being merely human being, sometimes, the feeling of loneliness would cease to follow me around at times. Yakin semuanya dah ditentukan dari dulu lagi, Eka! (AlHadid:22) <--correct me if im wrong. Maybe ada sebab Allah jadika Eka tabah dari dulu mengharungi hidup ni HAMPIR keseorangan. Semua sbg persediaan menghadapi hari-hari mendatang. Alhamdulillah. Sampai bila kita nak depend kat orang lain selalu? Hanya Allah yang Kekal, Maha Kuasa, Maha Mendengar, Maha Menerima. Tabahkanlah hatimu wahai Eka. InsyaAllah semua yang ditetapkan akan fall into place creating a beautiful picture of your life. Itu janji Allah.

When the door SLAMS!!

2010-05-15T01:25:00.000+08:00

Salam

Owh, how stressful life can be at times, nevertheless, i like being in stress, it keeps me alert. ;P
Currently im sitting for my Alevels exam, the real one, which would determine my medical school entry. Doakan! insyaAllah!

Thus, this post would just be short. I think i have once mentioned the fact that i like to study in my room alone ayte? Although that doesnt mean tht im not up to any group discussions, doctors still need to work together, thus why not start early ;P
Anyways, lately, i've always been in my room, thus, its getting hard for me to predict whats going on outside, not that there is much drama pun. Its just tht lately, there are a few incidents in which really had made me wanna say something outloud. STOP SLAMMING DOORS!!

Been there, done that! I understand the statement you would wanna make when you slam doors, but seriously, dont do it out of the blue.
Admitedly, i used to be a rebellious teenager, and slamming doors are my fav thing to do when i wanna make a large statement, (sorry mama! Eka xbuat lagi dah kan?!) but nowadays, i seem to think that this action is just unacceptable. When you slam doors, you dont only make a huge statement saying that you're angry on something, but you also shatter (SHATTER, BREAKS, CRUSH!) the hearts of those who cant seem to get the reason why you're making the awful statement. (Note:This is especially if youre the innocent victim - like i am in this case)

WHY?!?!? WHY THE NEED TO SLAM IT?!?!
I always get startled (moro reflex..haha..*exam mode*) EVERY TIME A DOOR GETS SLAMMED!
Thus, next time, think of others, before you slam the poor door.

Salam ;)

My name is...

2010-04-11T07:53:00.000+08:00

Salam
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

well...no, im not gonna do a review on any specific movies, just the movie of my life. I have been pondering on this all this morning, and i seriously dont know how should i be explaining it to others, thus, i have decided to just write about it in my blog.

My name is Tuan Eka Irina Akma binti Tuan Kamaruddin, and yes im sure most of my readers would have noticed this as this is the name that i put in my profile. If you dont realize it, than congrats, you're not being observant enough. Anyways, lately, whenever i introduce myself to others, they seem to completely for get my name. The thing is i always introduce myself as merely "EKA", thinking that it would be short, sweet and definitely easy to remember. Boy, was i wrong! its the other way round! humph..

Thus, i think i'll try and introduce myself as IRINA then, im used to this name too, as my lecturers call me IRINA, and i like being called IRINA.

Secondly, the meaning of my name. I apologize, unlike everyone else in this world, my name seem to not have any arabic meaning. Nevertheless, i dont recall the need to name your child in a name that has arabic meaning, just that it should be appropriate as a name represents a person. It doesnt have to be arabic, its just people are choosing arabic name due to the beauty of the language itself, i admit that. BUT its not necessary to put an arabic name for your child, its not an order in the Divine Revelations (The Al-Quran).
EKA means octupus in japanese, yes laugh all you want, but please dont do it infront of me, if you dont like hurting the feelings of the owner of the name. I like that name, as my MUM gave it to me. I LOVE MY MUM, thus anyone who disrespects my name, are just mean.
IRINA on the other hand means peaceful in russian, and i think this resembles most of me.
I hate fighting, i would alwasy be the one giving up, merely because its in my nature.
I hate wars, which is why i can neasily cry watching sad war videos.
"Ya Allah, Kau selamatkanlah saudara mara se-Islam ku di seluruh dunia dari keganasan penentang Mu, Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya Engkau yang Maha Adil, dan kami hanya bergantung pada-Mu Ya Allah." Amin.

...and i like studying alone in my room, with the doors closed, as i find it very peaceful to be alone in my room. ;)

Another advantage of having a super long name is that, you can change it each time! haha.. next time, maybe i'll change it to AKMA?? ;P but, i dont think that would be anytime soon, as i have a senior named AKMAR! ;P

Alhamdulillah, finally i can feel peaceful that this burden of having others making fun of my name is 'typed out' for public view so that finally otehr can know how i really feel when they say bad things to me.
Allah Maha Adil. So, dont hurt others. ;)

Salam.

A short piece ;)

2010-03-21T13:05:00.001+08:00

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Wow, its been quite a while since i posted my last update in this blog. Now, alhamdulillah, im feeling the urge to scribble a thing or two in this virtual diary of mine. Okay..Im not going to dive in on many things, as to compensate with the massive amount of things i have learned from all around me..

This blog is a place where i would evidently be free to share a piece of my mind, and as for now, i would just like to share some word in which i always hold on to from time to time. Before i present it to you, I would just like to share a slight experience in which i think everyone goes through almost everyday.

Are we really thankful to Allah for everything that He had given us?
You sure?
Thankful for every ups AND downs that we're experiencing?
For me, it s hard at first to accept the fact that everything happens for a reason, and those things happens because Allah loves you. Wow.
Best kan? Allah challenges us with problems and bless us with ever-flowing gifts, all in order to help us to shape ourselves! our personality! which is why everyone is different, unique in their own way.

Sayang lah if we ourselves don't realize this, when in fact, we go through it most of the time.
Everything that is determined for us happens for a reason, and its due to His love for us.
HIS LOVE! SubhanAllah..

Right, i like this saying, i which i would always try to repeat it to myself whenever im feeling lazy or whatsoever ;P
I think its a hadith, someone, plz verify this ;)

'Dua anugerah Allah yang manusia sering lupa ialah masa lapang dan sihat tubuh badan.'

I love this so much. It reflects back on what im always doing in my free and healthy times. What do i always do during those times? You?
tido petang? main game? tgk movies?
*ouch*

and imagine if suddenly we have a fever, or even a sore eye? what do we do? only in those times, then we would be reflecting back..'Oh Allah, why have You given me this sickness?'
Astaghfirullah. I am merely human, and i will always try my best to avoid thinking of those things, and i will constantly require the people around me to remind me of Him.

...and now its up to me..

Remember, Allah control everything, our body, our mind, even the way we think and feel!!

'Masa itu milik Allah'

Salam!

Open your eyes

2010-02-13T18:34:00.000+08:00

Salam, i found this interesting video..

Maher Zain -Open your eyes.

There's an interval of the story of Ruben (Abu Bakr) and his story.. SubhanAllah..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlrb1rOT36o

I cried everytime i watch this, and i hope that you would feel it too..

.

2010-01-29T17:44:00.001+08:00

Tiada paksaan bagiku..
Kiranya jika kini bukan waktunya,
maka akan ku tunggu.
Disamping menunggu, akan ku teguhkan pegangan di dalam hatiku ini.
Terhadap Mu Ya Allah.

Ampunkanlah ku kiranya ku katakan yang ku tidak bersedia,
sesungguhnya hanya Kau yang fahami diri hamba Mu yang hina ini, senantiasa lalai dan alpa.

Ku memohon keampunan dari Mu Ya Allah.
lembutkanlah hati hambaMu ini, agar dapat ku menjalankan tanggungjawabku dengan penuh keihlasan,
agar darinya, dapat ku rasai kemanisan berada dekat denganMu.

20 years of waiting

2010-01-14T18:03:00.001+08:00

A friend once told me a story.

There was this ulama, in other words, a strong believer in Islam, and a person Muslims turn to whenever they have doubts regarding Islam's perfect regulations. (Correct me if Im wrong). Anyways, this particular ulama admits that he was having a very hard time performing his duties to Allah. He felt nothing when he performed those solat, reciting the Quran, or reading the hadith. He felt as is there was no connection between him and his Creator. Do bear in mind though that Allah is always there and near to you, it is you who repels away from Him. Astaghfirullah.

Can you imagine, a situation of an ulama, having to admit that he felt nothing while performing his duties to Allah? An ulama? A person who is regarded to have strong faith and beliefs.

This ulama never gives up though. He never leaves his duties to his Only One. Years after years had passed, and he still remains that way. Until one day, after 20 years of feeling empty, his heart was suddenly blessed and filled with grace from Allah. He literally finds it easy to perform his responsobilities to Allah again, and his heart would forever be longing to spend time with his Creator through his solat. SubhanAllah, 20 years.

An important lesson that I learned very well is that sometimes, you have to be patient and put in the best effort that you can in finding His light. You might feel as if you have found it once, but, if you lost it, then, be patient, and try to find it again. InsyaAllah, one day you and I will find it. Yes.That sweet secure comforting feeling in your heart when you feel close to Him will come back. It will come back to me. Amin Ya Rabb. Amin.

;)

2010-01-14T17:49:00.000+08:00

Seorang suami sedang mencari-cari helah untuk membolehkan dia berkahwinlagi.
Antara alasan yang diberikannya:

Suami : Lelaki kawin 3 baru lah sah
Isteri : Kenapa pula?
Suami : Cuba terjemahkan ke dalam Bahasa Inggeris, “satu” is one, “dua” is two, “tiga” isteri (is three). Baru betul dan sah!.
Isteri : Tapi abang kena faham Bahasa Inggeris, terutama tentang “singular”dan “plural”
Suami : Berkenaan apa tu?
Isteri : Satu tu “Singular”; dua atau lebih “Plural”
Suami : Contohnya?
Isteri : One car sebagai singular, two cars sebagai plural. Apa bezanya?
Suami : Ohhh… tambah huruf “s” untuk yang plural
Isteri : Betul tu. Sama juga la untuk abang
Suami : Macam mana pula boleh sama?
Isteri : Satu isteri abang MAMPU, jika dua isteri dah jadi plural, makaabang MAMPUS tambah “s” je, kan ?

Lepas daripada tu, si-suami tidak pernah lagi berceritakan hasratnya untuk berkahwin lagi.

Source: http://ceriteraku.wordpress.com/ (found this piece here)

I am doing it my way~

2010-01-10T15:51:00.003+08:00

Maybe it will take forever for me to grasp confidence in sharing stories with others, but insyaAllah I will do it. Everyone doesn't need to know to know 'things'. All that matters is that I know what i'm are doing, what I can do within my own capabilities, and assures that Allah knows every little things.

Heavyhearted~

2010-01-03T04:23:00.002+08:00

Salam

No, im not heavyhearted because im going back to college. Im excited actually. A chance to become independent again as this is the time you realize that all your actions would not only affect yourself, but others around you too. For example, the simplest action of not taking out the trash. *im sorry dear housemates :{ *

I just hope that now, the people in my 'Priority List' are the right people.
It feels sad sometimes thinking of the fact that i keep on falling down the same hole of the same road.
I know that deep pit existed there, i know how deep down it goes. I know of the feeling of trying to climb back up again. The loneliness, the burden, the things i would have to face. There are times i wish i could just stay down there.

A Sufi's life is a life fully dedicated to Allah. (Correct me if im wrong)
I know the very fact that you would have to always face everything alone in this life, and in the afterlife.
I know the very fact that you are carrying your own sins, not others, and you cant carry other people's sins, even the ones you love and treasure...
which makes me think sometimes...

I wish i could be a Sufi. That.. is not entirely possible.
I have commitments... as a daughter, as a student, as a friend, as an observer.
These are the very reasons that kept me moving on, and not only think of myself. How nice is it would you think to be able to be given the chance to remember Allah all the time. That would be very sweet (:

A dear friend once told me "Orang yang berilmu dan beramal lagi tinggi dari orang yang beramal sahaja."

SubhanAllah. I wish i could be a part of that, ~~but im not. I know i am.~~

If I were.. (put stress on the IF word)

IF I were to not do the job that I am suppose to do, then would i be considered as selfish? because i would only think of myself?

Astaghfirullah

Now, this is what I understand (again, correct me if i am wrong)

I am to aspire the people around me to turn towards Him, including myself. I am willing to accept this with an open heart as i do not see this as a burden.
I am to do this though, within my own limitations.

Limitations.

Something that you wont realize until you TRY.

InsyaAllah. I will try.

Countdown 2010

2009-12-31T12:09:00.000+08:00

Okayh, a new year.
Too bad this time, i cant enjoy the fireworks with my darling Patrick Star (Danny) + my mum + my annoying sis. Oh well... no biggie anyways. :(

I scream for Danny!

Salam Awal Muharram!

2009-12-18T14:42:00.001+08:00

Salam

Reading through my last post regarding my lappy does bring back that 'stabbing' feeling through my heart. owh, how life has been for me, for us! Look at us..we have become all too dependant on technology, until one day.....?! My dad told me story of his colleague, whereby her 7 years of research for her Masters GONE, and no others copies of that research was made. What a loss..

Above all, i believe that there is a reason behind all that happened. In my case, i'd prefer to keep it to myself. hehe. Anyways, enough of that, my lappy is fixed now, and im gonna take care of it really well from now on. ;P

I woke up this morning and watched a small part of this morning show on tv1. Its called 'Nasi Lemak Kopi O' (haha, Mr. Allan's breakfast list).
The male TV host was very much sarcastic, but i kinda like the way he handles the show. Anyways, i just watched a small part of it, and there was something that he said that sparked something in my mind. Its the way that we humans like to take everything the easy way.

He said, "Sekarang ni semua orang nak senang, sebab tu lah kita tengok selalunya solat raya lagi ramai yang isi masjid dari solat yang hari-hari, kan? Sebab sekali setahun je."

I dont really know the extend of how true this might be, but i do kinda agree. That's my view anyways.

During my hospital attachment to the pharmaceutical department, the case is almost similar. Whereby, the person in charge (i forgot his name ;P) said that people dont like to take daily medicine. If they were to choose between meds which they only had to take weekly, or a meds which they have to take twice a year, they'd prefer the latter.

We always want everything to be easy for us. Istiqamah is indeed something hard. Especially in doing things out of your norm. All hard beggining have a happy ending, depends on how we perceive it. They say if you do things 44 times, then insyaAllah, the 45th time and so on wont be such a hasstle, as they have become part of your daily routine. There will always be challenges ahead, preventing you from doing things in which you know you have to do. So why be weak and let those small stumble prevent you to keep on walking and enjoy the scenery of your life? Get up! ;)

This year, i wish to find back that special gift in which i know i have lost :(.. but bear in mind! i want to find it back!
i know i will find it again one day, and i mustn't stop finding it. yes! ;)
Salam Awal Muharram everyone.

Mourning?!

2009-12-06T12:00:00.000+08:00

There goes my lappy..

~~My life. My pictures. My life. My reports. My life. My writings. My life. My papers. My life. My dear lappy.~~

Owh dear lappy~
I pray for ur health,
please recover, please recover,
Dont forget me. Dont forget all our work together.
I know at times i might not treat you the way you deserve to be treated,
but please know that i will forever love u as u have served me well.

My dear lappy~
please recover well.

p/s - akmar, was planning to do ur tag, but that might take some time, maybe after my mourning?! :(

The things that i miss..

2009-12-01T12:09:00.000+08:00

..currently that is..

1. my bestie (Suria) : always busy, even on my birthday :[ (evidently i cant be mad at her that long, so i hope that she will at least take me out)
2. my room back in college? haha, i like the privacy. And the fact that i can go out, anywhere i like without having to report back to my mum every hour or so (just joking)
3. some parts of my old self. Its still in me, i just have to find a way to bring it back out.

There are times whereby i am trully amazed at how some people are so strong in a sense that they pretty much dont bother of what other people say about them. Where do they get that will power and strength to just do whatever they want?

anyways, enough of me, me, mee..
lets talk about 'kueh teow' (hahahahahah!! sorry, lopeks seketika)

I confronted a friend of mine the other day (hoho, nothing serious though) and i asked her where have she been missing all these while? Evidently, she was busy, i know, but she could have called. (im sure u can pretty much guess who im talking about)

The main point here is that, sometimes, despite ur busy-ness. We have to learn to make time for the people we love. Everytime my mum asks me out, somehow i would hesitate, but when my friends asks me out, then it is ON! Im starting to think that this is not supposed to be so, but still, a balance of both is needed. Just tilt the balance over to the family side more. Yes,yes, that will do.

Owh well, we certainly have to always move on, for the better.

Segalanya yang ku lakukan ini...

2009-11-30T03:31:00.004+08:00

aku lakukan hanya untuk Mu ya Allah.

Teramatlah susah bagiku mengharungi hidup ini, kiranya aku tidak bertemu denganMu,
tiada lain yang lebih indah bagiku selain anugerah kekuatan dariMu.

tidak permeh sesekali kau membiarkan ku keseorangan,
cuma diriku ini yang senantiasa lalai dan alpa akan anugerahMu disekelilingku.

SubhanAllah,subhanAllah,subhanAllah

segala ketentuan hidupku, kuserah kepadaMu Yang Maha Esa,
kerna segala yang kau tentukan,
kau tentukan yang terbaik bagiku.

Ampunilah aku dan segala dosa-dosaku terhadapMu
ampunilah aku kerana mempersoalkan kurniaan hidayahMu.

Ya Allah, segala cabaranMu yang dikurniakan olehMu
ku harap atas dasar kasih sayangMu pada hambaMu yang lemah ini,
kerna ada masanya aku tidak faham akan ketentuanMu.

Namun, kau sentiasa menunjukkan ku kembali jalannya.
Berikanlah aku peluang untuk mengingatiMu dalam setiap perbuatanku,
agar aku tidak lupa,
agar aku sentiasa ingat
akanMu Ya Allah.

"Aku mohon dapat merasakan nikmatnya memandang wajah Mu dan nikmatnya kerinduan untuk berjumpa dengan Mu."

Hadis riwayat Ahmad

InsyaAllah,semua yang ku lakukan ini, ku lakukan hanya untukMu.

Moving on is simple, but the thing that you would have to leave behind is complicated?!

2009-11-23T11:14:00.002+08:00

or is it not?! do u think im talking non sense?! haha...dont answer that! =_=

Its monday, same old monday. Its the Monday that come and goes. I was browsing through Facebook (im addicted, its bad, i know.. *sighs*) but the main point here is 'to move on..'

To move, or not to move..
A question which is puzzling me on a cold Monday morning.

One of my friend's post on FB was "Cuti dah habis, kehidupan normal bermula." *
*edited

owh, and it made me think.
Wow, what have i done in this past one week?
sleep (of course)
SLEEPING MORE THAN THE REQUIRED HOURS? (owhkay..fine, i admit)
stare into space? (uhhh..)

basically, i have not done anything beneficial the whole week. I should start doing something..
my report?! 0_o

Above all, i do still read at times. Trying to finish a couple of books which i put on hold. (its been quite long)

I am currently reading "Riwayat Bidadari Syurga" by Munif Ahmad (the nasyid singer), and i am really enjoying reading all about the strong women which stood by our Rasulullah, and other women which have shed their blood and tears in the name of Islam. The book comprises of basically short stories, but all of them inspired me in various different ways.

The one story that had really touched me. Its a story of Aminah binti Wahab, the mother of our beloved Prophet. She went through a lot in life. My heart goes out to her when Abdullah passed away. Muhammad was still in her tummy, and she was strong during that moment. I think that really reflected her strength as a women. Giving birth to Muhammad without her loving husband around is a sacrifice, in which had inspired me to always stay strong no matter what.

It made me cry when she was facing her death. She felt weak, and knew that she was going to see The Almighty. She hugged Muhammad with all the strength that is left within her, and starred at her son's face, slowly, everything went dark, and her tight hug slowly got weak.

I really felt it during this time.

"Aku akan mati dan sebutanku akan tinggal. Aku telah meninggalkan yang baik dan aku telah melahirkan yang suci.."

Her last words reflect her eternal motherly love to Muhammad.

I know i have not performed some of my responsibilities well enough. There are many things in us which requires change. Change for the better. I cant remember how many times i have said this in my blog. Change is hard! Moving on is hard! but when i look back, sometimes what matters is not the final result, the big finale, but its the effort, the strength and the commitment that you put into that change is what determines to which extend you really want something. In this case, I want keredhaan Ilahi, His consent, His acceptance.

End of Sem3 ;)

2009-11-16T04:50:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum

Its hard to believe that i ended sem3 just a few days ago. Oddly, i can still remember my first day coming to INTEC, wearing my red kurung, and selendang (everything was red =}). Moving into my first own apartment (ngee~).

Owh well, those were the days. Reading back through all of my old post, I am thankful that other than being able to expand my academical knowledge, I get to also expand my view on life. Yes, each individual is special with certain strength and characteristics, and not forgetting weaknessess. Most people judge others through their appearence. They say that "the physical appearence of a perseon is a reflection of his or her mentality". This is true as we would always want to present ourselves in the best manner possible.

The statement might be confusing for some. Some might interpret it as "the physical appearence of a perseon is a reflection of his or her Iman". Now this is partially untrue in a sense that we all know that 'seeing is believeing', but sometimes it is never like that. You cannot judge someone based on how they look, the mentality is too restricted. There would be a time whereby we seem to even be selective with our friends. NO! This should not happen! We should always try to look at a person through his heart, his actions, his belief.

I am discussing about this as lately i noticed that i myself have been doing it (eka2, sedarlah sikit). Astaghfirullah..
No matter how mean a person can be, there would always be a good quality in his/her life. Focus on that quality and hope that with time it will magnify, and soon before u know it, it will be along term change. Which is i would say something thats defenitely hard to achieve, istiqamah. It has to start from the heart itself. Its ok if you dont 'feel' anthing YET, give it time. Trust me, i am experiencing the same dilemma.
InsyaAllah, Allah will always be there to help you and me both! Amin~

I guess that would be all for now.. :]
p/s : What do you think of a person who doesnt stick to what he/she stands for?! I intend to make that as my next post insyaAllah, along with other things i presume.

Okayh then, Salam to all. and Happy Holidays!

My Ramadhan

2009-09-01T22:10:00.003+08:00

Salam
This particular post will be short as well, just like my last 2 post..hahah..

tnite i was full with emotions, mix together with extreme tiredness and a panicky here panicky there..i felt 'exhausted', mostly, emotionally..

it feels as if i was burdened with this whole load of work and if i dnt do it well, ppl are going to blame me..

It was nearing time to break our fast, and i dont have a single food with me, not even a drop of water! I felt like crying there and then, but would it be weird if all of a sudden there's this particular INTEC girl, standing in front of a pasar malam crying?! O_0..

and so i just kept it all back in..
and braved myself to scavange for leftover foods (the pasar malam was closing...fast!)

i managed to get air jambu batu and roti john..

but still, it hurts inside, i felt 'overwhelmed'

as soon as i arrived back in my room, i waited, wanting to call someone really badly and just cried, but then i thought to myself, its almost maghrib and time to break fast, no one would wanna chat?!

and thus, i just sat in the dark and waited for the azan..
Once i heard the azan, i went to my table and break my fast, i was quiet..mainly because i was feeling soooooo much emotions inside tht i cant even express them in words..

I then prepared myself for prayers. Usually, we will pray together (jemaah) during maghrib, and thus i waited for everyone else to get ready..

And there i sat, on the floor in my room, thinking..
all of a sudden, i burst into tears, pleading Allah to help guide me.
I placed both my hands on the floor and bow down to Allah.

It was a long time ago tht i remembered crying for the same reason..
and then it hit me, Allah was trying to show me that i should not ask for anyone else's help but Him only.. The 'overwhelming' feeling was from Him. His award to me. A way of showing His love to me.. I hope so..

Im glad. Glad that i felt that way. Glad that i finally managed to calm myself down by just crying in front of He the Only One, Allah Almighty.

So far, that is the story of my ramadhan..
now, i gotta do some stats and chem revision. Pray tht i will do well! Ameen~ insyaAllah ;)

when all is said and done

2009-08-26T11:57:00.004+08:00

salam

what do u do when all is said and done?
??
?
?????
?
???
??????
.........................

Pray and tawakal..
Hope that it will all pass and things will be better..

There is a reason for evrything, my friend once said..
it makes sense to me when u 'rephrase' it in another way...
HIKMAH

When things turns out the way u planned, alhamdulillah then..
but if it does'nt? don't worry..u are still loved by Him, He is just showing it in another way..
by testing u.. just like what it is said by Allah, in Surah Al-Ankabut (ayat 2)

;)

~

2009-08-23T22:41:00.002+08:00

My hopes for you were so very high and you crushed it down for no reason..
Never underestimate someone who has gone tru a lot in her life, I dont need you..

After so long~

2009-07-31T10:09:00.002+08:00

Salam
I cant even remember the last time i updated my beloved blog..
maybe its because i dont have that much things to say lately.. I have been thinking a lot about changes, over the years, people change.. for the better, or otherwise..

I remember one day in college, I felt 'down'..u know, the empty feeling..
it should not have surfaced in my heart, as i am a Muslim..
In the heart of a Muslim is Islam.. =}

I felt restless that evening, none of my housemates were home yet.. and I was alone, thinking..
What have I turned into?
Where was the old me?
Why am i becoming someone whom i oppose years ago?!

This is not me.. I used to be a snob and only concern of myself.. (i know, its bad)

I called the only person who realized my changes throughout the years, my best friend..
Oh, how i longed to just sit and chat with her~ but i have to remember, she has her own set of problems and i should not burden her more..

She told me "Sometimes, changes are crucial.. you wont realize everything that is happening around if changes do not take place.. You have changed my dear, but you are still you..surely you are never lost.. Allah is always there for you.."

In my perspective, to change, is the ability to assimilate the new things you have discovered about youself with the old, real, pure You.

We know, even Allah said, some things that we like is bad for us, while those which we think that are not good for us, actually is beneficial to us.. It 'saves' us from certain 'disasters' which only He knows.

I appreciate it a lot when people give their advice to me through their personal experience. Its refreshing to know that we are all the same. Humans with sins, imperfect, but struggling to achieve the highest state of connection with Ya Rabb, all within our own abilities.

All these while i am asking to be near with Him,Ya Allah.. but why do i keep forgetting that He is near!! Closer to me than the vein running through my neck..
Ya Allah, am I the one backing away from You??
Astaghfirullah,I seek forgiveness from You, for i have been blinded by the world all these while..
I should have been more aware.

Jagalah, lindungilah, selamatkan diriku

2009-07-18T07:29:00.004+08:00

Bismillahirahmanirrahim

Salam

Life has been completely hectic nowadays, until i even at once forgotten that i have a blog!
All these hectic-ness, at the end of the day, how much is it worth?

Apakah ku menguatkan imanku dengan semua ini? atau sebaliknya? SubhanAllah, hanya Allah yang tahu.. MAha Kuasa, Maha Mengetahui segala sesuatu..

Ampunilah aku Ya Rabb..

Taqwa
Album : Semesta Bertasbih
Munsyid : Opick
http://liriknasyid.com

Laaillahailallah 8x

Ku bersujud pada-Mu
Dan pasrahkan diri dike-maha-anMu
Ku berlindung selalu pada dosa-dosa
Dan setiap salahku
Kau jagalah lindungilah cintailah aku

Laaillahailallah 8x

Setiap detik yang berlalu
Menghitung diriku
Bertanya padaku
Akankah sia-sia bila akhir waktu
Datang memanggilku
Kau jagalah lindungilah selamatkan aku

Allah Allah Allah

Kau jagalah lindungilah selamatkan aku
Allah (Laaillahailallah)

Jagalah diriku jagalah diriku
Lindungi lindungi lindungilah aku ini
Jagalah cintai lindungi selamatkan
Ya Allah 2x

(Laaillahailallah)
Jagalah ya Allah
Laaillahailallah

Kepada hamba Allah yang telah membuka mataku dgn doa ini, 'terima kasih'..

"Aku berlindung kepada Allah daripada rendahnya cita2, lemahnya tekad, hinanya tujuan, buruknya tabiat, dan longlainya jiwa. Semoga Allah sentiasa memberkati umat Islamku."

Selamatkan aku Ya Allah
Selamatkan aku YA Allah
Selamatkan Hamba-Mu ini Ya Allah ya Tuhanku Ya Rahman YA Rahim

Amin

Thank You~

2009-06-22T02:55:00.004+08:00

me..in the middle wearing all white in support of the theme! yeah!

Alhamdulillah

Grand Dinner was a success!! for me at least..
im Thankful that the dinner runs quite smoothly, although i admit there are flaws and of course me bos-iying ppl around (sorry guys) but it was all worth it in the end as all the last minute plan i came up with worked perfectly..

Thank you to all, my Hicoms and friends and hsemates (i love you! for putting up with my 'orders', i just want the dinner to run perfectly =} ), ADFP band for the last minute request of encore performance, to all lecturers, my seniors and Akmar! also to afiq and friends for the last minute performance which was by Akmar's request (yeah!).. thank u all..
and a special thanks goes to my beloved mama for helping me out with the decorations!

Overall i think the dinner was a success and all the stress and running was so worth it! hahaha..

A special thanks to my president for coping up with my 'requests' as well and for backing up the comittee..

Plus did i mentioned that WE broke the record for inviting the most lecturers and having the most lecturers attending ALM Grand Dinner?? hahahahaha...
THANKS AKMAR!

for more pics, visit my facebook! plus, i think there are still more to be added!

salam

ALM8 GRAND DINNER 2009

2009-06-18T18:29:00.003+08:00

yeah!!!

When? TOMORROW!!!!!!
Where? GRAND BLUEWAVE,SHAH ALAM
Who? MY SENIORS!! and DR.BIB, CIKGU HASSAN, MDM RITA..and other 10 lecturers!

Theme? ~SHADES OF WHITE~

Excited? MIXED EMOTIONS!

"Ya Allah, berkatilah majlis yang akan berlangsung ini. Aku berharap agar majlis ini akan berlangsung dengan lancar hasil keberkatan-Mu, Ya Allah. Doakanlah kejayaan ku dan ahli2 HICOM yang lain dalam menjayakan majlis yang xkan dilupakan seniors ini. Semoga Ya Allah akan berada disampingku sepanjang majlis ini agar Aku tidak lalai dengan keadaan sekeliling. Amin"

Dear seniors, (kalau ada yang baca), I dedicate this dinner to you. Especially to Akmar whom had helped me a lot in making this dinner a reality. Without ur help, i assure you i would be lost and blur! =P I hope that it will be a memorable one for you as it will be one occasion where all of you(almost) my dear seniors are gathered under one roof before pursuing further studies.

"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can." Danny Kaye
yeah! =}

Apa pendapat Eka kalau...

2009-06-15T10:35:00.004+08:00

Bismillahirahmanirrahim

A few days ago, an old friend gave me a "miss call", I was quite shocked to get it as i haven't heard from her for quite a while now. So, I decided to message her asking her bout how's she doing and all. She called back. Truthfully, I hesitated to call back because I was not in the mood to chat with anyone that time, but then, I guess there is a hikmah of why Allah wants me to press the "Accept call" button.

We chatted for a while and I think to myself "Alhamdulillah" i picked up this call as I get to learn something new of that friend of mine.

she had a niat of calling me that night, and at first she hesitated to tell it to me, then, this is how the conversation continued..

Miera: Eka, apa pendapat Eka kalau Miera nak derma organ?
Eka : Eh, alhamdulillah, bgs sgt2! Knp tanya ni? Ada niat ek?
M : AAh, td Miera dah call org yang hospital tu and dia ada lah explain semua. Macam ada perasaan nak sgt! Eka rasa cmna?
E : Haah! Bgs2! Dah call ok la. As in Miera ready ke? Jap, sblm tu, dah pernah derma darah x?!
M : Dah!!! hahahahhaa, Miera excited glr hari tu kat kolej, lepas kelas terus lari nak gi derma darah! Dahla org yg last skali! Puas hati!
E : Hhahahahahhaahah!! bgs2!. Eka pun pernah derma darah dulu, mmg rse puas hati~
M : Tapikan EKa, orang tu kata, dia akan ambik organ kita bila kita dah meninggal?
E : Yup.
M : Tapi Miera nak masa hidup lagi! As in bagi and dapat tgk org tu accept organ kita!
E : OwH! *laughs* kte paham. Kalau nak kes cmtu, family member dia kena kalau dah terdesak sangat, as in xnak tunggu in Recipient's List lagi, kan slalu panjang? and kena tunggu available organ, plus cm Eka tau complications banyak sangat kalau nak dptkan organ yg btl2 match. Miera plan nak donate organ mana sbnrnya? Kte xble pilih pun sbnrnya,sbb dia akan tgk availability.
M : Urm, plan nak donate tulang sum-sum (Bone Marrow).
E : Owh, then itu lagi susah, sbb organ Miera kena match 100% dgn recipient. And itu agak susah, kalau x, nnt later on org tu plk byk penyakit. Kenapa bone marrow? hehehe..sje tanya?
M : owh, sbb Miera ada kawan yg leukemia, tp dia cm dah sihat skrg, dulu teruk lah kena chemo semua. Tp dia mmg skrg kena depend on ubat slalu la. Kalau xmakan, nahas la.
E : Owh, bgs nya Miera tersentuh and take action.
M : Pastu Miera cm kesian la plk, Miera pernah tanya dia, nak derma bone marrow kat die. Die blh pulak kata 'xpyh2, simpan je ko punya, ak xnk!'
E : ahah!! lawak2! So nak donate kat die ke?
M : erm, xla, kalau boleh kat orang lain, yg nak la.
E : Miera, sah2 la org akan nak, dont worry. Kte support fully 100%, tp make sure bgtau parents tau, cuz biasanya org yg nak donate ni dia dah daftar, tp bila meninggal, parents lak xkasi. So, xdptla.
M : Owh yeke?? Ok2.
E : yup. cm byk kes cmtu.
M : owh, ok2. Eh, thanks Eka!!! xrugi call.
E : Hahahha..xpe2 semua ni pendapat je. Best of luck eh!!
M : Thank u!! Kalau ada mse Miera call lagi.

and the conversation still goes on but i'd rather not type nonsense. =P

Anyways, I was certainly touched by the generosity of my dear friend there. Personally, I hope to be as strong as her too. Remember, put others first before urself. Think of what or how they might feel. Before u lose ur temper, be in their shoes and try to think positive of them, it's kind of hard, i know, but sometimes you would just have to give in~
"Adakah semua yang kita buat itu melambangkan Islam?"

The weather

2009-06-14T22:05:00.002+08:00

Salam

Look out your window. Do u see anything?! Well, if u cant see anything, then dont worry, cuz its just the haze that's blocking your view of Allah's amazing creations.
You would experience it especially for those living in the Klang Valley or any areas near it.

I am living in Petaling Jaya, and boy do i feel the heat, especially during night time.
But i tell u, since my college is situated in Shah Alam, the conditions are much more worse there!!! You sweat in ur sleep!! Urgh!
It was terribly hot especially during the study week!

Nevertheless, what do u think can lessen bit of this heat and haze?
Yup. The rain. One of the extraordinary gifts Allah send directly straight to us.

Talking about all these heat and haze.
Do you know that conditions like this are only going to get worse? With influenza A and dengue fever peaking,i personally think it is are going to be worse in the near future.

What do u feel currently? Seriously, tell me.
Deep down, do u even care of whatever that is happening right this instant around u?
Were u aware of World Environment Day? or did u knew it days after it had passed?
Are u just stuck in your little room, making urself busy with ur biology unit 3 report or with ur club assignments or busy chatting away with ur friends of the
latest fashion and gossip?
I am not saying that i dont do all of these, but at least do care of our beloved dying Earth, Allah had gifted to us.

I bet you would agree with me that there is only very little individual who really cares of the environment and evidently, take actions (although in a small scale)
but InsyaAllah would have a big impact later.
But why are we just rellying on these small number of individuals?
Because they are the experts i heard u say? Ayte? Experts?
So let us all leave the burden to think of the environment to them!! Yeah!

What about Islam? Where do you think it stands right this instant today?
What are you doing while the are some Muslim teen out there drinking beer? performing free sex? offering free sex? Astaghfirullah.
On what scale do u think the religion brought by our Prophet MUhammad stands today?

Islam need not have that many specific days such as Raya for it to be implemented in our daily lives.
"Oh, but I do fast during Ramadhan!" Yes, but do you perform ur prayers my dear brothers?
"Oh, i do wear a telekung when i perform the prayers!" Yes, but do you wear your hijab my dear sister?

I bet you would agree with me that there is only very little individual who really cares of Islam and evidently,
take actions (although in a small scale) but InsyaAllah would have a big impact later.
But why are we just rellying on these small number of individuals?
Because they are the experts i heard u say? Ayte? Experts?, with all the appropriate knowledge?

Which one do u prefer to read next?

A)So let us all leave the burden to think of Islam to the experts!! Yeah!

or

B)We have to take action. If we want give an impact to others, then we would have to change ourselves first, for the better.
A person once said,"Change yourself to help change others."

You choose.

To be continued...

p.s- "Ketika Cinta Bertasbih" dah out kat Malaysia ke?

lately..urm~

2009-06-12T19:38:00.002+08:00

well, lately i've been going out A LOT~

"mama, jom kuar lunch!"
"ma, xyah la masak dinner, makan luar je lah."
"kak, bi(erra) rase nak kuar la, jom!"
"kakak, come teman mama nak beli something kat IKEA."
"ekaaaaa!!!! hahahahaa, jom lepak!!"
"kak, bi boringla~, let's go shopping! mid?!"
"jom la kak! plz~"

owhkay~
those are the words in which i keep hearing almost everyday~
kenapalah xda anyone yg tanya nie ke?..

"eka, dah siap unit 3, jom buat sme2!"

semangat sikit! yeah!

p/s- izzah!!! ble nak kuar?!

This one is for me~

2009-06-09T00:12:00.005+08:00

"Dan nasihatku tidak akan bermanfaat bagimu sekalipun aku ingin memberi nasihat kepadamu, kalau Allah hendak menyesatkan kamu. Dia adalah Tuhanmu, dan kepada-Nya lah kamu dikembalikan."
(11:34)

Kepada siapakah dan untuk siapakah ku melakukan semua ini? Siapakah sebenarnya yang aku cuba selamatkan? Apakah sebenar niat ku?? untuk diri atau dia..atau Penciptaku?

Sebelum kau melakukan sesuatu, tgk lah niat dalam diri dulu.
Ya Allah, selamatkan lah aku dr niat yang tidak Engkau redhai.

I seek forgiveness from You, dear Allah.

This world has become to materialistic..I feel as if I am sucked into it also..
Definitely a materialistic world is more fun to live in!! ahh, the freedom;
sadly it comes with a price..u tend to forget the real meaning of life..

No one sees this as a lost as they are too drowned by what the world offers.. Once ur drowned too deep, will there be any hope for u to be saved?

If you know how to swim, then fr sure there can still be chance for u to survive..
but what if you dont? Equipped with nothing, but yourself..

This is where the challenge comes, will there be anyone there to save you? Would you risk your ego of not wanting to be saved? Proving to everyone that u can do it all by urself??

This is one of the character of our beloved Rasulullah saw in which i think is very beautiful
"He made his ego, a Muslim"

So would you want to be saved?

i would...

=P kuih2!

2009-06-07T04:32:00.003+08:00

Salam

Im at my grandma's house currently. Got really bored and decided open my lappy and go online. My grandma then came to me and asked me if i had any relay pictures, so i showed them to her and shared a few funny stories during the relay.. =P
I then decided to open my facebook and my grandma, being a computer illiterate kept asking me questions about the internet. thus, i have to answer each and every one of them, not that i know a lot about internet and computers, just the basic stuff everyone knows. Then, i decided to let her search something through the net.

Nenek : Nek tak taula nak cari apa. Eka tekan je apape, nek tengok je.
Eka : Xpa nek, apape je nek nak.hehehe. resepi ke? *smirks*
Nenek : oh, tgk la kalau ada resepi kuih2 ke, biskut2. nek nak tgk gambar2.

Thus, i started typing out some stuff in the all amazing yahoo search engine.Until, jumpalah this web, itarecipes.com? entahla, i forgot. Together, we browsed through many pics of cookies and surprisingly, my grandma knows how to make most of them!

Eka : Kalau nek tau, kenapa nek xpernah buat! *huhu..buat muka xpuas ati*
Nenek : Dah nek takut xda siapa nak makan.
Eka : Apa nek ckp cmtu plk! akan sentiasa ada org yg akan makan. hehehe. Ok, kalau cmtu, apape kuih eka nak, nek buatkan ek?? ek2?
Nenek : Lain kali Eka ckp je lah apa eka nak. Nnt masuk kolej balik, bwk ah, kasi kawan2.
Eka : Hah, eka akan habis kan dlu!

While chatting and laughing away, i continue to browse through other webs, the ended up at this forum, where they were sharing recipes and all, and i spotted this one traditional recipe..

Badak berendam (MENYELAM)

Lawak!!! ahahahahahahahahh!!! i could not stop laughing!!!
badak menyelam!! Badak scuba diving!! The Diving Badak!!!
Badak menyelam sambil minum santan?! ahah!!

November is my month~

2009-06-05T21:55:00.002+08:00

* Banyak idea dalam perkara.
* Sukar untuk dimengertikan atau difahami sikapnya.
* Berfikiran kehadapan.
* Berfikiran unik dan bijak.
* Penuh dengan idea-idea baru yang luarbiasa.
* Pemikiran yang tajam.
* Daya firasat yang sangat halus dan tinggi.
* Sesuai jadi seorang doktor.
* Cermat dan teliti.
* Personaliti yang dinamik.
* Sifat yang berahsia, pandai mencungkil dan mencari rahsia.
* Banyak berfikir, kurang bercakap tetapi mesra.
* Berani, pemurah setia dan banyak kesabaran.
* Terlalu degil dan keras hati.
* Apabila berkehendak sesuatu, akan diusahakan sehingga berjaya.
* Tak suka marah kecuali digugat.
* Mudah ambil berat terhadap orang lain. "Terlalu.."
* Pandai muhasabah diri.
* Cara berfikir yang lain dari orang lain.
* Otak yang sangat tajam.
* Pandai mendorong diri sendiri.
* Tidak hargai pujian.
* Kekuatan semangat dan daya juang yang sangat tinggi apabila berkehendak sesuatu.
* Cuba sampai berjaya.
* Badan yang sasa. (ok, ni xbetul)
* Kasih sayang dan emosi yang sangat mendalam dan romantik.
* Tidak pasti dengan hubungan kasih sayang.
* Suka duduk d irumah.
* Sangat rajin dan berkemampuan tinggi.
* Amanah, jujur, setia dan pandai berahsia.
* Tidak berapa berjaya dalam mengawal emosi.(erk?)
* Bercita-cita tinggi.
* Perangai tidak dapat diramal dan mudah berubah-ubah

I took a quiz on facebook where it reveals ur personality based on the month ur born in..and this research was done by Dato Dr Fadzilah Kamsah..

All of it is true indeed..maybe i am predictable..

The thing is..

2009-06-04T14:13:00.002+08:00

I fell and hit my face on the ground
It hurts

...but how am i gonna learn if I did'nt fall in the first place?

The sad thing is..i had fallen before, so why am I not learning from it?

Ingat.

2009-06-03T21:53:00.003+08:00

"Dan jika Tuhanmu menghendaki, tentulah beriman semua orang di bumi seluruhnya. Tetapi apakah kamu (hendak) memaksa manusia agar mereka menjadi orang-orang yang beriman?"
(10:99)

Allah Maha Kuasa atas segala sesuatu boleh saja memberikan Nur-Nya kepada semua, tetapi tak. Kenapa?

"Dan tidak seseorang pun akan beriman kecuali dengan izin Allah, dan Allah menimpakan azab kepada orang yang tidak mengerti."
(10:100)

Allah ingin menguji.. Tetapi siapa?
Kedua-dua belah pihak. Ujian terhadap keteguhan iman, serta ujian terhadap kelekaan duniawi. Dua-dua pun susah, dan secara tak langsung, manusia selalu terlupa, bukan sengaja tetapi terpedaya dengan bisikan syaitan.

"...Setan telah menjadikan terasa indah bagi mereka perbuatan (buruk) mereka, sehingga menghalangi mereka dari jalan (Allah), sedangkan mereka adalah orang yang berpandangan tajam."
(29:38)

Manusia lupa.Aku juga lupa.

"Kepada Allah-lah kamu kembali. Dia Maha Kuasa atas segala sesuatu."
(11:4)

Antara salah satu sebab nya yang mejadikan kita leka dengan apa yang ditawarkan dunia ialah kerana kita tak sabar. Tak sabar untuk menikmati ganjaran dan kepuasan nafsu sehinggakan sanggup melakukan apa sahaja.

"dan hendaklah kamu memohon ampunan kepada Tuhanmu dan bertaubat kepada-Nya, nescaya Dia akan memberi kenikmatan yang baik padamu sampai waktu yang telah ditentukan."
(11:3)

Waktu itu boleh jadi pada bila-bila masa, dan bukan hanya apply pada nikmat, tetapi juga ajal. Kalau bukan sekarang, bila lagi?!

Keyakinan bahawa semuanya ditentukan oleh-Nya perlulah teguh sbb tanpa keyakinan itu, kita takkan ada tempat untuk bergantung. Maka, datanglah segala perasaan sedih, lemah, tak confident and so forth. Feeling itu semua datang dari Allah, tapi syaitan akn sentiasa cuba mengapi-apikan feeling itu sampai kita lupa kepada siapa kita patut bergantung. Kepada siapa kita patut berserah diri.

Allah paling dekat disaat kita menyerahkan segala-galanya.

Salam

Wanna buy a pair?

2009-05-29T18:11:00.002+08:00

Salam

I spend my day shopping at IKEA / IKANO today with my family.. After that,my mum wanted to go to the bank, thus, my sister and i were left lingering around IKANO and we found this sweet lil stall selling rings and bracelets and all other "girly" stuff..

Thus, we stopped and checked it out..i was super intrigued by the charms that were on sale, then my eyes spotted this very adorable yet simple ring!

The sales girl insisted me to tried it on, thus, i tried it on.. (personally i cant even fight the urge of not trying it on..hihihi)..

Anyhow, i liked it, and told her i'll take one..

She looked at me and said "Only one? Usually people will buy a pair?"

For a millisecond, i was blur, but then i computed her words and just laugh it off..

I took the ring and went to my sister, brag-ing to her of my new buying..hahhaa XP..
I also told her of what the salesperson had said to me and my reaction..
She was like.."Kak, u should have answered 'So?', jeling and walked off!"
I was like.. "Humph"...and that salesgirl was a Muslim.

My time is running out

2009-05-28T16:01:00.003+08:00

dgr smpai habis~
pay attn to the backgrnd..

oohhh~~ one of my fav song!

2009-05-26T22:10:00.004+08:00

Dgr sampai habis!!

Group : UNC Clef Hangers
Cover : Viva la Vida by Coldplay (fav band!*one of it*)
Attn: they didnt use any backgrnd music! owh!! best cover so far!!

i dont know what to put as title...

2009-05-24T19:15:00.001+08:00

They say a women has 9 emotions and only one logic..
I myself am not so sure of how true this is, but evidently i do agree on the fact that
women do have a lot of emotions, always thinking of things..

On the good side, it does make you more aware of your surroundings, but on the bad side,
having too much of it consumes you alive as what it is doing to me..

A strong being is a person who is able to control all her emotions..
I have been through several conditions this past few days, and as usual, have been doing a lot of thinking too..
I wish to be strong..
I do not want my life to be hanging on the balance just because of other people's words..
It will not affect me.. though i am sure you, dear reader would know very well that the human tongue is one deadly weapon...

May Allah shower His Beneficience upon the one who knows his worth, who knows to stay within his bounds, who watches his tongue, and who does not spend his life in idleness.
Your words depend on you until you utter them, but once you have uttered them, you will depend upon them.
(Hadrat Ali)

Words can be hurtful,
words can cut deep,
words can kill..

As i said, the only way for a person to be strong is when she is able to control all her emotions..
I wish to do that..but do i have to be mean to become strong?
cruel? feelingless? cold?

You may claim that you respect others, but do they respect you?
Ask yourself that question..

I am getting sick of telling others that i dont care of certain matters, but deep down i do care!!
and i cant avoid that feeling!

I would have to learn of ways to close that part of my heart..to avoid myself being hurt again...and again..and again
by the very people who surrounds me..
I do not want to appear weak..i know i have before..

Thus i will stop..
stop listening to all the whispers of the devil..
I cannot appear weak..I shall not appear weak!

Dear Allah,
The word strong is yours to claim..
I pray to you O Allah Almighty,
Give me strength to oppose and fight the negativities in my life..
Before i start drowning in it again~

If a part of your heart is broken..then mend it..
If a part of your heart is weak, then make it strong..
If a part of your heart is black, then clean it..
If a part of your heart is dying, then revive it back..
but if its already dead, then there is nothing you can do..
Dont let yor heart die away~

He loves those whose hearts are broken on His account..

ini diriku.. Aku tetap Aku~

2009-05-23T20:56:00.003+08:00

Aku tak memerlukan kau lagi..
PERGILAH!!

Dengan matamu yang penuh dendam itu,
kau memandangku
mengharapkan dengan sepenuhnya bahawa aku akan mengambil kau kembali.

Tidak! sama sekali tak!
Aku telah menciptakan kau, penuh dengan sifat kamarahan dan ego yang tinggi,
dengan harapan agar aku diterima di dunia ini..
Ah! Betapa salahnya aku!

Aku dibutakan disaat kau mengambil alih diriku,
Semua yang ku buat itu ku sangka betul!
kau yang membisikkannya ke hatiku,
Oh betapa tingginya ku rasakan diri ini, tetapi pada dasarnya cetek pemikiranku

Pergi! Aku ingin kembali kepada Yang lebih Menyayangiku,
Yang Menciptakan aku dan bukan sebaliknya..
aku tak ingin berpaut jari-jemariku pada kau lagi.

hanya kau yang ku buang dari hidupku
tetapi pada dasarnya
Aku tetap Aku...
dan kau boleh kembali ke permukaan tanpa ku sedari,
mengkaburkan penglihatanku

atas itu,
aku perlu merevolusikan diriku,
aku perlu mereformasikan diriku,
aku perlu menjadi diriku sendiri, melawanmu dengan pegangan yang teguh,
Apa yang perlu ku takutkan?!
Aku yang menciptakan kau..

Hanyalah Dia yang perlu ku taat, tunduk, malu, patuh dan geruni,
kerna Dia lah Penciptaku..dan aku hanyalah hambaNya..

These changes are hard..but is it possible?!

2009-05-17T07:02:00.002+08:00

Wah!~~

I just finished my Semester 2 here in Intec. I dare say that it has been quite a havoc sem. Why do i think so..because of a statement my dear hsemate made a few weeks ago..

Eka Irina. Ain(hsemate)
"Eh, korang perasan x sem ni kte jarang keluar?
"owh..agakla..hah, xperasan plk smpai ain point out benda tuh." *dlm shock*
"Perasan x kenapa??" *dengan senyum sengal-nya*
"Ada reason ke?"
"BIO report lah!!!! wawawa!! horohorohoro!!" *laughs*
"eh eh!!! betul lah!!!!" 0_O

hurm, that was one of the valid reasons as to why i say this sem is quite pack..
Nevertheless, i should get use to the busyness, as i am going to be a medical student one day~ insyaAllah.. Dr. Eka Irina Akma.. =D

The best lesson in life is experience.. And i certainly gained a lot..
sem 3 is coming and im having mixed emotions..
not only would i be a senior but in terms of the responsibility itself..
it would certainly be much more heavier in 3rd sem..
My finals in 2nd sem? hurm..no comment.. tawakal and hope that i get at least 14?!
haha..why am i not targetting full 15?? hurm..dont ask..
i know i would be heartbroken if i get lower than im hoping for..

anyways, as i said..eventhough im suppose to be home right now, but im still here in Intec..
definitely i have many work to finish off..

1. making a banner for the Relay fr Life.. (this will be on the 30th of may!)
2. Senior Grand Dinner(many details need to be thought about..but i am excited for this..my contributions to my seniors especially akmar!!)
3. and the most important thing.. preparing myself..

by next sem, most of my usrah would be done according to our(me and my sisters) initiatif ourself.. thus, i must always...urm update my iman? =P

i forsee many challanges for me ahead *cecece*, and i would have to learn to face all this maturely, both emotionally and physically.. but still not abondoning the real me..

i want to use this holiday to re-connect back to the old me..as in take in back all the good things that in was before..
now how would i know that its good for me?

Personally, u would just know.. ur heart would tell u so..

There are two kinds of people in this world, the one who listens, and the one who talks..
This further depend on the topic that you are discussing about..
let say that u are in a meeting, discussing about an important event you would have to handle, definitely you would have to take charge and talk!
BUT what if its only a chat on "Do you think im too fat?"
Then in this case, i would prefer to be the listener..

i used to be a listener in these kind of cases.. until recently i noticed, i talk too much *my IELTS-how ironic!*

its very sad thinking back to the time where i had this conversation with my sister..

Eka Irina. Erra Fazira(lil sis..yes nama sbnr.)
"Owh, did u know? Last sem, my lecturer had this blablabla"
*my sis listening =_=*
"blablabla...its so dumb..hahahaha...kelakarkan?"
"hurm, as u say so.."
"eyp, whats up with u evrything ok?"
"urm, kak, i have this problem.. you know right F****?"
"Let me recall?? she used to hang here ayte? she's a cheerleader too kn?what's up wit her?"
"xdalah, she's been acting funny..as in she likes to steal the limelight...and..."
"wait! i have a friend who is like that too! She blablabla.."*panjang glr ah eka bercerita*
"kak ni, ur not listening to my problems.. its all about u!"

I was deeply touched by this..when i came to intec..one of the phrases that my hsemate(che ain) told me was..
"eh, kte suka awak..awak seorang pendengar yang baik! best cerita..and awk bg respon."

owh where had i misplaced that part of me..im going to have to find it back..
We are gifted with 2 ears and only one mouth so that we listen more..i learned a lot listening to others.. and i need to find that back in me..

Being a girl..an overly sensitive one(ceyh xdalah =P)..i should learn to not take in too much if someone raise their voice to me..
I grew up being raised by my mum and my grandparents.. and never in my life i was scolded by a father..thus i would somehow feel =[ if someone did it too me.. sorry H*****..

Nvrtheless,i know i have to be strong! i need it!! for my future life! owhkay im thinking too much again..

but the main point in this post is actually about RESPONSIBILITY..
im taking my holidays to think about more of it..
Responsibility towards my Allah, my Islam, my parents, my friends, my life..and myself..

What about u?!

How to not think too much of stupid things!?

2009-04-30T07:15:00.003+08:00

salam

yup, i have been thinking A LOT lately (who doesnt?!)
hahaha..
but what was i thinking off??

will it benefit me???

will it benefit my beloved religion Islam?!

Hanya Allah yang tahu.. but i myself have to set a limit fr my thoughts..
Dont think of anything which can hurt u deeply, cz its a waste of your precious time, energy, feelings, and so forth..

Someone once said this..
"Hati perempuan, cpt sgt terguris.."

Of course ****a*..
Kalau x, xkanlah our own mum will not defend us kalau let say, ur dad marah ke??
kan??

as in, "terasa" itu is a feeling that cant be avoided, especially if ur a women??
Bukankah itu benar?

SUka ke kalau perempuan itu berperangai kasar mcm lelaki? Pernah jumpa ke?
I have, and personally, even i dont like the way she bahaves..*not pointing fingers to anyone ok*

But still, back to the main topic..
How would you NOT think of stupid(should i categorize it as stupid?!harsh, i know..) things?!

"...Allah will certainly aid those who aid His (cause) ;- for verily Allah is full of strength, Exhalted in Might, (able to enforce His Will)." Al-Hajj:40

Im leaving it up to ur minds of whatever way u wish to interpret it..
i cant really provide u a solution of how to avoid thinking of "stuff"..its up to the mind to what extend u wish to take it to..
Although u can argue that its ur brain, thus, u can think wtv u want, but do remember,
Its not exactly YOUR brain, instead, it belongs to The Divine..

I love this phrase..

"STRENGTH IS NONE BUT ALLAH AND HE IS OUR BEST AND ONLY PROTECTOR"

salam

IELTS=fRuStRaTiOn?!

2009-04-08T18:47:00.003+08:00

salam

first and foremost..
gomenasai akhi fais..posting "when scientist goes mad" kena put on hold kejap..
i just have to do some anger and frustration release here..

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

IELTS..
I just finished my speaking test and i am super frustrated with myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Task 1 - Introduce urself (okla this part..acceptable)
Task 2- Lucky draw u have won before (uwek!!!)
Okay this part is what frustrates me!!! I answered it with FULL DETAILS and then she commented on my response..she said..

"UR RESPONSE WAS TOO LONG."

WHAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!

WHAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

WHAT?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?

x boleh terimaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! bcuz i received THE EXACT SAME COMMENT for my last IELTS test!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~~~~

salah ke give long elaboration..at least im not boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......

mmg xboleh terime...
lengthy response?!?!?!
apakah itu?!?!?!?!
uwek!!!!!!!!

btw, Task 3- 'Life is a lottery.' ur opinion?
and 'If u had 1 million ringgit, what will u do with it?'
(at least fr this task i managed to do well.thanks to a certain someone..)

Do you LOVE ur student life?! i do..haha..

2009-04-05T20:24:00.007+08:00

Salam

Okay, im bored(although havn't even started on my bio report yet..) BUT i still fell like posting up something in this lil virtual space of mine..so as i was flippin tru some old pics in my lappy..i decided to make this post..

So here goes..

I bet most of u guys are students aite..and come to think of it, this is the transition year where u learn many things b4 u step into the challenging world of university and the more challenging world of working(woooooo....*ok, effect xjadi)..\
Nevertheless, this is my story,(part of it)..ur average(?!) A level Medicine student..

This is what happens if u do ur assignments the last minute.. (hahaha..menyesal2,taubat...)

Yes, kat depan meja of my hse, ada mirror BESAR covering the whole wall!! best glr..
(only a few hse kat Cemara je ada! special2...)The board of sticking anything and everything (this is an old pic,currently, its full of..urm..academic stuff?!haha)

In school?! INTEC?! hahaha..this needs another special specific post (NEXT TIME)
but i found this pic taken while waiting fr our lecturer to arrive..
class is like another life where somedays its full of laugh and some days its just plain...

Me and roomie

Okay, now what happens during a boring weekends bila malas sgt2 nak keluar cari food..and when u know the food at Cemara finishes even b4 12 =_=..
Instant solution.....INSTANT FOOD...

Haha, this was taken yesterday..where i managed to cook them all by myself...
From left; Brahim's Chicken curry with carrots bought by dira after i introduced the rendang one last sem...then the Campbell's mushroom soup..next, would be fried eggs...all eaten with toasted bread...
=_= malas student punya lunch

Okay..moving on..at night..kat rumah, u would be sleeping with ur bantal busuk..now that ur in pre-U, u move on to something more 'sophisticated'...a teddy bear!!

His name is Gerard Way (yes, a male name for a thing which has a bow on its head..BIARLAH)
He was given to me by my bestie Ili, she MADE IT FOR ME FROM SCRATCH!! i love u ili!!
So, mlm2 kalau tdo sorang2(my roomie slalu tdo kat rumah atas =p) ..I'll hug him..

Ok, so that was just a peek of my normal life...
but what comes after this??
Challenges!!!
and i would have to face it with a strong heart!!

"(And) if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger, if you believe in Allahand in the last day. That is better and more suitable for final determination.:
(An-Nisaa' 4:59)

Nabi Muhammad pernah bersabda:
"Whoever seeks to be patient, Allah will give him patience." (Riwayat Al-Bukhaari)

'Knowledge comes by learning, and patience comes by making oneself be patient." (Riwayat Al-Albani dlm Sahih Al-Jami'.)

Yes...face semua challenge with an open heart..
Allah dah janji kan siapa yg sabar akan dpt keuntungannya nnt...
and i can really confirm this...

i bever thought of it before..deeply i mean.

This happened to me a few weeks back..

I have a friend, lets name this friend Z, for privacy purposes..
Z was kind of 'mad' at me..
Z doent seems to like it when i tell Z my problems..( which i thought what friends are for)
but then i learned a few things about Z.
Z doesnt aprreciate the fact that i always oppose all Z's advise, saying that i am always the right one..(as in i dont always get the respond i want to hear from Z)
At first, i just want to settle this and put it aside..but then..a friend of mine told me to give it a few days...
So at that moment, i aim to be more patient with Z..
After a few days of being patient(which was quite hard as the problem affected me in a huge way)..but then, Z was nice to me again..and i apologized to Z and promised to be more open-minded, or better yet, just keep my problems to myself..that would be more easier dont u think??
yes2..

From that moment,I am always constantly trying ti be MORE patient in every obstacle that Allah had provided for me.. He knows this is one of the ways in which i can actually do to expiate my sins in the past..and current..

Well, that's the sharing that i would like to put forward for now...
In my next post..InsyaAllah..
ill post about "when scientist goes mad?!"
=)

salam.

Life is an Open Secret

2009-04-03T13:43:00.005+08:00

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.

Salam,
from the girl who thinks too much..as always..

If you would have read my post in title "Everything is perfect, just the way it is..", then you would probably be more convinced when i tell you this..

There is one hadith Riwayat Muslim..
Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported : "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, 'A strong believer is better and dearer to Allah than a weak one, and both are good. Adhere to that which is beneficial for you. Keep asking Allah for help and do not refrain from it. (If you are afflicted in any way), do not say: 'If I had taken this or that step, it would have resulted into such and such,' but say only: 'Allah so determined and did as He willed.' The word 'if' opens the gates of satanic (thoughts).'"

SubhanAllah..

now do you believe me?
Betapa kita kena yakin yang segala sesuatu yang kita buat di dunia ini Allah telah tentukan dengan yang terbaik, paling baik sekali untuk kita..

All that is around us , even the non-living things, all is under Allah's Almighty power, and all of them follows His every rules downright to their molecular basis.

We, humans??

We all know what differs between us and all other living and non-living things, is our brain, ayte??
Ya Allah, the brain that is used to store all medical information, maths, stats, bio, chem, physics, numbers, songs, people's name, how to move, read, translate things, eat, and all other things..

BUT
How many percentage of our brain is used to remember or appreciate what Allah had given to us??
How many times do we look out at the window and thank Allah for giving us the chance to see the beauty of His works?
Ask urself???

Ya Allah, this brain...
This gift from Allah is so precious that Allah allows us to make our own decisions..
Think, why do the rain fall down?why doesnt the water just straight away evaporates to outer space??
Why do the leaves fall down??why wont it just stay on the branches??
Why do water flow??Why cant it float in mid-air??

Because they obey Allah's perfect rules..
We humans were given the choice to think using our brain..
and tell me how many of us do use it wisely all of the time???

SubhanAllah...

When was the last time u think badly of someone?? The last minute ago? a few hours ago?yesterday?

If you desire to live such that your religion is safe, and your portion is full, and your honor is sound, guard your tongue, and never mention other's faults, remembering that you urself have faults and others have tongues. (Ahmad Zarruq d. 1492)

I know, i understand...
there will forever be someone who will talk badly of u..not all of us have perfect,good history..

Abu Sa'id and Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with them) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor anxiety, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he recieves from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that." (AL-Bukhari and Muslim)

Ya Allah!!!!
Complete Islam itu.
setiap kali kita ditimpa kesakitan, sama ada secara fizikal atau pun yg tersorok jauh dilubuk hati, kalau kita hadapi dgn kesabaran and yakin yang Allah sentiasa nak yg terbaik utk kita, maka insyaAllah, dengan kesakitan itulah Allah mengampunkan dosa2 kita!

Ya Allah.
Indahnya Islam itu.

These small things that happens in our daily lives can easily slip off from our mind, we never even thought of it sometimes!!

Now that i know, its more easier for me to face life's problem.

Bayangkan..
kalau dgn ujian2 yang kecil ni dh boleh menitiskan air mata, mcm mana Rasulullah saw, nabi2 sebelum itu, sahabat2, face semua ujian mereka??
Ya Allah, betapa Allah tahu yang kita ni lemah, Allah xuji kita seberat ujian mereka2 yang kuat...

Allah sentiasa tahu kebolehan kita kat tahap mana bukan??
=)

I guess i will stop until here for now..

Before i end, please bear in mind that i am just your normal girl (probably not normal in a sense that i think too much) nevertheless, all of my post speaks directly from my heart with hope that anyone who reads it( either they know me before or now, or do not know about me at all) will gain something from it..

I admit my knowledge of Islam is not as much as most of my friends..
Ain(Kame), Ain, Nadira, Liyana, Juni, Kak Asyira, Kak Ain, Syamila, Naimah, Yatie, Hudayah, Musaddiq, Farhan, Amirul, Hisham...and many more...

and a special shoutout goes to my besties..Suria, Ili and Izzy..

SubhanAllah..i cant imagine how i would be if i werent 'this' me??
Opss..Astaghfirullah....I should never think of that..
I am me..likes to laugh at ppl..prefers to keep things to myself..likes to laugh at ppl(okay?did i mentioned that??)...but i do hope that Allah loves me just the way i am.. InsyaAllah..

Syukran Kak Asyira for lending me the book "Life Is an Open Secret" by Sis Zabrina A. BAkar.
I never realized that i have uncovered a few of the secrets on my own and what i love very much about the book is that it provides words from Allah and hadith that provides concrete support to all my findings.. Complete-nya Islam itu..

Salam.
yes, sincerely from the girl who do love to think!!

Congratulations my sayang!!
i cried when i saw this picture!!!!!!!!! i can feel that he had worked really2 hard!!!
i feel as if i wanna hug him this instant!!! its been a stressful week..and sometimes..the most simplest things in life are the one u crave...

He WON!!!
Alhamdulillah..i love u..

thoughts from the fresh morning juices of my brain~~

2009-03-29T06:56:00.004+08:00

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Salam, from the girl who 'thinks too much'. (even my bestie said that i think too much.. =_=)

Yesterday night, there was a talk in title "How to be a perfect human." by Hj Nicholas Sylvester Muhammad Abdullah.(for more info from the talk, feel free to go to Nadira's blog) Thus, explaining why im still in the mindset of this topic this morning.

As i was performing my duties to Allah during Subuh, I kept thinking of

"Perfection is after life ; Heaven or Syurga."

in which the speaker even said (this is what i managed to capture at least)
Syurga is..'the pleasure of which the eyes have not seen, the ears have not heard, and what the heart have not felt.'

I also thought about this statement..

"O Allah, i want to strive for excellence in life so that i can be a better person, a better slave and a better khilaf for you."

..and then this came..
"O Allah, i want to do it all for you so that InsyaAllah, you will grant me ur keredhaan and finally, i will get to SEE you Allah."
Not everyone can see our creator in the afterlife, as said by my Sister Ashira and my friends.

I thought of that as the biggest gift in life..
Dont you want to meet ur Creator
...who plans ur whole life..because only He knows whats best for you..

...who helped you make decisions in life..because only He knows whats best for you..

...who helps you overcome any fears in life..because only He knows whats best for you..

...who determines your path in life since even before you were born..because only He knows whats best for you..

..who chooses you to succeed in life..because only He knows whats best for you..

Only He knows whats best for you, as everything in your life comes in the best intentions, because Allah loves you.

Putting aside any dark past certainly needs time and sacrifice, but it will all be worth it in the end, if we make the decision to change for the better..

"Maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan, Sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan." (94:5&6)

I like the english translation of it better,
"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief. Verily, with every difficultiy there is relief."
(94:5&6)

A promise made form Our creator.. Allah the Creator..

I guess i will end it here for now so u urself can think about it more..

Salam, again from the girl who 'thinks too much'.

no worries..i'll keep ur secret..

2009-03-27T07:05:00.002+08:00

Bismillahhirrahmanirrahim

This week has been a roller coaster week of emotions for me..
and i am learning to put it all to side..

You are affected by the people around you and i 100% support this statement as i myself am experiencing it.

I have changed but deep down i am still me.. and slowly its surfacing trying hard to assimilate with the new and improved ( and mature? ) me.

Its like i am a potassium bromide solution, and tru my past surroundings ( add AgNO3) , an alter ego formed ( the creamy precipitate forms ) and now, i am currently changing myself (trying hard! ) with my new situation ( add dilute NH3) and only some of the precipitate will dissolve BUT if i learn how to add CONCENTRATED NH3, then insyaAllah all the precipitate of my life dissolves.

But come to think of it, the tru me still remains, the bromide ion is still there, it just formed something new and this test is only done to confirm my presence.

Hopefully, people wont be startled if they knew things of my past and here i beg of forgiveness if i had hurt anyone in the past.. trully deeply am sorry..

Salam

ps- Ya akhi Fais, good luck studying in ur new environment!!

ps- sorry *****n and ***q, i will not be disturbing u again, plz give me time to learn how to keep things to myself..

rocket!!! ~~

2009-03-21T14:05:00.005+08:00

= } enjoy.. yes U r like a rocket in my mind!! blasting me off to infinity and beyond?~~ haha..

ROCKET - YUNA

You're like a rocket in my mind
That's waiting to define everything about me no one knew
And you stick like a poster on my wall
As if you dont wanna move

I got no money in my pocket
Nobody to rock with but you
But you know me I don't seem to roll
Somehow we managed to get through

People come and people go
And people gonna come some more
They pick a fight
But it's alright
At least I get to see you tonight
Tonight

I can't believe we almost got famous for nothing baby
You came the last minute of --- to save me
I can't believe we almost got paid for nothing baby
Cause even if they go away I got the feeling that you're gonna stay

It's like I'm picking up a miracle off the sidewalk
Like kitten in the box
Don't contemplate yourself, you say
Cause you're all you've got I'm a --- and pathetic
At the same time unlike you
Baby you've got no move
And you think I'm good at what I do

People come and people go
And people gonna come some more
They pick a fight
But it's alright
At least I have you home tonight
Tonight

I can't believe we almost got famous for nothing baby
You came the last minute of --- to save me
I can't believe we almost got paid for nothing baby
Cause even if they go away I got the feeling that you're gonna stay

You're like a rocket in my mind
Waiting to define everything about me
You're like a poster on my wall
Sticking, don't wanna fall
As if you dont wanna move

MUHAMMAD saw THE GREATEST

2009-03-20T07:15:00.004+08:00

salam..

its 7.16 in the morning..and i havnt finished my bio report..taking some time out to clear my mind...

and i came across this article..

http://www.scribd.com/doc/261451/muhammad-the-greatest

plz view it..

we all know that Michael H. Hart wrote a book on 100 MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE

Alhamdulillah..he named our dear prophet Muhammad saw as number 1 in this book..

Now in this book he had explained why he had chosen Muhammad saw as his first choice and i cant agree more with him.. many had their own argument on this matter but i coulnt agree more with what was written in the paper by Ahmad Deedat, that i have linked above..

plz do read it..

In the book he had ranked Jesus to be no 3 and Moses to be no 40..which definitely came as a shock for most Christians..but the argument that Michael H. Hart presented was very reasonable and is acceptable even if ur not a muslim..

SubhanAllah..one of his arguments trully touched me deep..

This dear writer argues that although the total amount of Muslims in todays is less by 200 millions than the christians but..he stressed that our dearly beloved prophet's goal was to shape the whole development of islam, compared to jesus who only focused on the ethical issues as stated in the paper...

Betapa complete-nya Islam itu..and apa yg menyedihkan skrg..

why is it that most muslims dont even act as if they are muslims??

ego??islam being too restricted??islam is old??

astaghfirullah.. i guess inilah resultnya kalau terlalu mencintai keduniaan...

i personally know what i am talking about as i come from that environment where islam is not stressed in daily lives..subhanallah...the lives of the jahiliahs..

Our dear Muhammad saw had build a great islamic empire..we are the ones who has to continue to spread islam.. its a big responsibility..spreading true islam comes from the heart..

r u capable of it??

"MY CHOICE OF MUHAMMAD TO LEAD THE LIST OF THE WORLD'S MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSON MAY SURPRISE SOME READERS, AND MAY BE QUESTIONED BY OTHERS, BUT HE WAS THE ONLY MAN IN HISTORY WHO HAD SUPREMELY SUCCESSFUL IN BOTH THE RELIGIOUS AND SECULAR LEVEL." Michael H. Hart.

why not? strt with urself..

i am a muslim..

bertaubat sebelum terlambat!? DEATH

2009-03-19T09:16:00.002+08:00

Sebelum bermula, i hope *****m dont mind me using his ym shoutout yday.

Salam

yup, i still havnt finished my bio report if anyone's wandering.(haha).

anyways, i would just like to share something here.my experience. we learned a lot tru experience ayte?its just sometimes we overlooked things that happened in our lives thinking that those were unimportant things.
I remember telling to my bestie a few years ago..its these little things today that will make up a big picture of our lives tomorrow.

I still hold on to that, bcz its true. Reflect back and see.

Bertaubat sebelum terlambat!? DEATH.
I have a friend. She is now one of my best friend. (Nope, she's not studying in INTEC) and thus explains why were quite distant now.
I havnt txt her fr a while, and i'll do tht after this (=})

I dreamed of her a few weeks back. I thought of keeping it to myself but then, it wouldnt make an impact towards others to realize their mistakes in life too. Thus, here goes..

I dreamed that we were hanging out, and all of a sudden, a robber accidently shot her and she died on my lap. Astaghfirullah. It was one of the most scariest dream and i almost cried, and the saddest part was actually not her dying on my lap.

I know her since standard 6 but we became close during form 3 until now. We started to become best friend because we have the same taste in music. My Chemical Romance was our favourite band amongst other bands... huh. it kinda tied us together. we will constantly update our mcr info..together.. i miss the old days..

I have said in my "DISCRIMINATION" post that only those who are rich or smart is popular. She was one of them, and alhamdulillah, she was never close to any of those "perasanted" girls..(can i use tht?hahah)..

Money was never in her mind, she was carefree and that is why i love her dearly. She is my bestfriend and i love her dearly.

When u've done something wrong, ur suppose to regret it and promise that u wont do it again. Taubat.

Only i know my friend and saying things about her openly, i dont have that rights.

The main point here is that, we all have friends, and it is important to always remind one another.

Remind them, remind us, about Him.

Imagine, ur loved ones dying on ur lap, and at that moment all the "not good" things that u have done with her without u saying anything to her tht it is actualy bad, flashes tru ur mind.

u will feel as if u would rather be the one carrying her sins, but we all know that is strictly not possible.

I thought of that the moment i woke up frm that dream..
that was what made me sad..

its a lesson for me..

"mencegah dengan hati ialah selemah-lemah iman"

but come to think of it, if we only do that then that problem will continue on without end.
Its our responsibility to do something..

salam

dont judge others b4 u judge urself!!

2009-03-17T17:15:00.003+08:00

life is full with ups and downs..

never let ur past hold u back..sometimes that is hard to perform too..

regard me as weak and u'll be sorry..for u dont know who i am nor where i come from nor what i have been tru..

everything is perfect..just the way it is.. =}

2009-03-09T06:53:00.004+08:00

salam

"Dan tidak ada sesuatu yang menghalangi manusia untuk beriman ketika petunjuk datang kepadanya, selain perkataan mereka, "Mengapa Allah mengutus seorang manusia menjadi Rasul?" (Al Isra 17 :94)

"Rasul-rasul itu adalah sebagai pembawa berita gembira dan pemberi peringatan,agar tiada alasan bagi manusia untuk membantah Allah setelah rasul-rasul itu diutus. Allah Maha Perkasa, Maha Bijaksana." (An- Nisa 4: 165)

SubhanAllah, sometimes we never realize of how perfect our lives are..

Allah plans our lives..

Only He determines of how we live our life on Earth..

Kita xsedarkan kadang2 yang Allah tentukan itulah yang terbaik buat kita..

"What if..."

persoalan yang semestinya selalu bermain2 dalam kepala sekiranya kita diminta utk buat satu critical decision..
Sbnrnya, itu salah..
kita xboleh memikirkan.."kalaulah aku mengambil jalan lain.."
kerana itu sbnrnya syaitan yang menghasut..

"Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya.."
(Al Baqarah 2:286)

"...boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal itu baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal itu tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." (Al Baqarah 2: 216)

dah berapa byk kali rasanya ayat2 ini kedengaran..
sbb kita kena berpegang teguh dgn ayat2 Allah..

Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui segala sesuatu..

Imagine kalau kita mempersoalkan kehidupan kita, maka bukankah itu mcm kita mempersoalkan decision Allah?sedangkan Allah lebih mengetahui..SubhanAllah..

cuba jauhkanlah diri dari pemikiran jahiliah ini..
memang xelok..(kita xsedar kesalahan2 kecil inilah yang kadang boleh bertambah dan akhirnya boleh buat hati kita jadi keras and senang menuju kearah kesesatan..)

Kita bersyukur sangat sekiranya Allah menurunkan Hidayah-Nya kepada kita bukan?
tapi yang kadang2 kita xsedar ialah kita kena JAGA hidayah tu..jangan sampai Allah tarik balik..
Ya Allah, takutnya sekiranya itu berlaku pada diri..

Hidayah Milik Allah..doalah selalu utk simpan hidayah itu..
jangan sampai Allah tarik balik..

Jangan juga kita rasa bongkak yang lahir dari perasaan syukur..
itu godaan syaitan..
sometimes bila kita dah sedar, ada kalanya akan rasa mcm diri ini lg bgs dr org lain..
SubhanAllah, itu pemikiran jahiliah...riak,bongkak..inilah yang kadang2 menjadi penyebeb Allah tarik balik hidayah..

Iman sentiasa turun dan naik..ini diatas sebab hidayah yang tak dijaga dengan betul..
syukurilah nikmat Allah selalu..ya Allah..

Kita nak kasih sayang Allah..
Kita nak keberkatan ilmu dari Allah,
Kita nak keberkatan hidup dari Allah,
Kita nak Rahmat dari Allah..

SubhanAllah, byknya permintaan kita ini, manusia yang lemah, jahil dan tidak berkuasa ni kepadamu ya Allah..

Fikirkan balik, apa yang kita dah buat untuk Allah??
Solat yang tak khusyuk?
Doa yang sekejap?
Zikir tanpa perasaan?
Baca Quran tanpa mengetahui cerita ayat2 cinta Allah?
Astaghfirullah..ampunilah aku ya Allah..

Ya Allah, betapa lemahnya manusia..
namun jangan sesekali kita merasakan diri ini tak layak untuk berada dijalan Allah..
IngaT segala apa yang Allah tentukan, itulah yang terbaik untuk kita, kerana sesungguhnya juga kita tak tahu apa yang buruk untuk kita bukan?
maka syukurilah segala apa yang Allah Hadiahkan kepada kita..
itu tandanya Allah sayang..

"Tuhanmu tidak meninggalkan engkau, dan TIDAK PULA MEMBENCIMU..sungguh yang kemudian itu LEBIH BAIK bagimu, daripada yang permulaan."
(Ad Duha 93: 3 & 4)

salam

~RUSH~

2009-03-08T18:49:00.003+08:00

salam

i havnt been posting any entry lately..
ask any ALM student and they'll know why..
haha..exams..reports..
the never ending life of a student..

anyways, while i was writing my report( yes, till bout now, 2 ppl had already asked fr it)
i came across this particular song..
i love this song..
its an old song, and back in those days i love listening to this song
it empowers me somehow..

ALY & AJ - Rush

Into your head, into your mind

out of your soul, race through your veins

You can't escape, you can't escape.

Into your life, into your dreams,

Out of the dark, so light again.

You can't explain, you can't explain.

Can You feel it, can you feel it,

Rushin' through your hair,

Rushin' through your head,

Can you feel it, can you feel it,

Don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,

Be every color that you are,

Into the rush now,

You don't have to know how,

Know it all before you'll try.

More than you land spinning around,

Lifting your feet right off the ground,

You can't believe this is happening now.

Can You feel it, can you feel it,

Rushin' through your head,

Can you feel it, can you feel it,

Don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,

Be every color that you are,

Into the rush now,

You don't have to know how,

Know it all before you'll try.

It takes you to another place,imagine everything you can.

All the colors start to blend,

The system overloads again.

Can You feel it, can you feel it,

Rushin' through your hair,

Rushin' through your head,

Can you feel it, can you feel it,

Don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,

Be every color that you are,

Into the rush now,

You don't have to know how,

Know it all before you'll try.

Don't let nobody tell you,

Don't let nobody tell you your life is over,

Be every color that you are,

Into the rush now,

You don't have to know how,

Know it all before you'll try.

I love this song very much..

Its merely up to you to interpret it your own way..

Ive highlighted the parts which re meaningful to me..

Hopefully, they'll give the same impact to u too.. =}

Here's the video of it.. enjoy..

p.s- bi, i'll do ur tag in my next post..promise..i have to finish my report first eyp??haha..

xoxo,

irina

salam

WHY??

2009-02-26T22:22:00.004+08:00

Why is it sometimes u feel unappreciated?

Why is it sometimes u feel as if people are turning to u only when they need ur help?

Why is it sometimes when u need help, there is no one around?

Why is it that other people see you as a strong person when deep down u feel helpless?

Why is it that ur heart feels heavy thinking about your loneliness?

These questions lingers but still nothing is solved and the cycle repeats..

...finding the His light, the true light that will guide your heart to Him..the only light that is able to bright up all the shady parts of ur heart..
His light is able to answer all question..is able to save u from loneliness..
but why is it men are turning away from it?

A cheery blossom picture is selected as the cover of my blog..
stare at it.. what do u see??

do u see light?

all the cherry blossoms arrange themselves to enable them to get most of the light...

imagine if those beautiful cheery blossoms were US..
muslims together..
working together all as one to obtain Allah's light..

Together... make our hearts strong and bring Islam to greatness..
so that other people will be able to feel the true beauty of putting ur heart and soul to Him..
Just Him..
Allah the Great..
Perancang segala sesuatu secara teramat teliti dan halus..

Tawakkal setelah berusaha..
Redha dgn ketentuan Allah..
Istiqamah utk menjadi yg terbaik..

InsyaAllah

salam

DISKRIMINASI!! DISCRIMINATION!!

2009-02-19T14:24:00.002+08:00

Salam.

Currently, wasting my time at the INTEC com lab..haha..blogging..catching up on other ppls lives *xda keje*

Anyways, i have thought about blogging on this topic for quite some time..its just tht lately i've been busy with reports exams reports..and um..did i mention report??yeah..reports..

dIsCrImInAtIoN??

towards who??

Before i dive further into this..
let me share with u an experience i had during the old days (hah!!rasa cm dah tua..xpa, hidup prlu dteruskn)

Owhkay..During my high school years, I had fun..loads of fun.. I think i have mention in my past blogs that i prefer studying in a single sex school kind of environment bcuz ur free to be who u are..there is no need to be shy towards others as u are kind of at the same level..

(as my bestie like to say it.."plzla, i dont understand why some ppl suka cover ayu??")

anyways, my point here is that my school environment feels as if it has shown me only a small view of todays discriminating world.Look around u.Im not sure whether u noticed it but, thats life i guess.

I am a Muslim. and during my school years, u really have to strive to be known..or in other word(or a more understandable objective) .. POPULARITY

i come from a christian based school..and majority of the students are chinese..(no discrimination here)..but what i want to put forward is that if u want to be known..then u will either have to be..

1. rich

2.smart

of course i am totally out of the list for the number one category, thus, i aimed for number 2..
anyways, cut to the chase, i am here now..glad to be where i am today..alhamdulillah..

there are many views that can be seen here. one, is that, people are totally more concern of their lives on earth rather than our afterlife. teenage years are for fun?? who even came up with that statement.. yes, u can have fun..but be considerate! think..

secondly, the main argument, during my school years, (form 1 till 3)..i was discriminated...

yes..me..TUAN EKA IRINA AKMA BT TUAN KAMARUDDIN..was discriminated..

i wasnt smart nor rich..i was ur normal quiet malay girl wearing tudung(thts wat it was labellled as back then..i knw very harsh)..BUT tht shaped me into a different person!!!

during form 4 and 5 i was determined...my best friend can confirm this..i was sick of being labeled as a quiet girl..as a girl who is not smart and a girl who is just a so-so..

thus, i was determined ti get myself out of that mindset of ppl..
i was determined to wipe out that particular view of malays should be quiet..malays should be not smart..malays should be just...between them!!

this is wrong!!!i hated this!!!!

i pledged to myself tht i am going to get out of this thinking and strt something new..

slowly, during form 5, it feels as if everything had fallen into place..alhamdulillah..
slowly, everyone is accepting me..i was not seen as the normal malay quiet girl that i was before...i finally gained the respect i had wanted..
but with that honour..comes great responsibility...
i felt as if i can actually do this..influencing other people to something good..that became my aim of life..

but..being the normal human being which constantly makes mistakes..i sometimes forget about this..my aim..
over the years..months i think...*continuing*
my aim has been renewed...

i learned many new things along the way..
my aim..our aim now is to bring forward the name of islam...in other simpler objective..
dakwah..

and our determination...niat and istiqamah..

thus, reflecting back on my past years..it has certainly made me a new person..i know how to handle discrimination...i know i have to always focus on my goals..and i know that

"Allah sentiasa menolong hamba2nya yang mmerlukan"..

salam.

im missing him.. my love..

2009-02-04T06:45:00.003+08:00

although it has only been one week since the hols..
but i cant seem to get him out of my mind...

he comes to me when i feel lonely out of a sudden..

he plays with me..

he is the only one in my life i call sayang..

i only love him..

my love..

my beloved..

my dearie..

the apple of my eyes *ceywah ^_^*

the one who cheers me up when im down..

the only one whom understands me..

my baby sayang..

my ..

"patrick star"

EMIR DANIAL

kawaii!!

haha..my sis was like "ceyh..just cuz ur taking medic, u have to wannna take a pic at this thing!!" *imagine it being said in full sarcasm!hahah*

under construction?!

2009-01-29T22:36:00.002+08:00

salam..

blog ini will be under construction..

hahah..nak cari layout baru yg lagi sugeeh!!!

insyaAllah dlm masa terdekat ni akan cantik??

hahah..

salam

bRaInS AnD BeAuTy?!

2009-01-26T15:06:00.005+08:00

Well, havnt got any much idea to post currently..
usually, i will post something which happened to me thts quite significant and is worth sharing..
but as for this post, i will pretty much crap..

My head is currently pounding for no reason..haha..probably due to excessive sleep??
hahah.. =P

anyways, lately, before the hols, i've been learning bout our prophet, Rasullulah s.a.w and his wives..
My favourites (hehe..) would be Khadijah and Aisyah..
i admire Khadijah's confidence..(tru the fact that she does bussiness..)
as for Aisyah, i admire the fact that she is said to be very pretty and smart..

I always thought that u cant have both, u know, being pretty and damn smart...
but lately, tru my observations(hahaha..INTEC observer?!)..
I can see that u CAN have both..

I also learned one thing that kinda amazes me..

i bet there are times where people say these to you

"Hey, u look pretty today."
"Weyh, cun lah org tu hari nih!"

Sometimes you wonder, what do these people see actually??
Only the person himself would know one's self..consequently, you might dont get what these people see in you..
Why is this so??
Well, according to kak Asyira( =P)..
This is another way Allah tutup keaiban diri kita..
or in other words Allah covers our bad side and let people see our true beauty..

We can consider this to be one of Allah's gift to us, and also one of Allah's test to us..
Once we are presented with His gift, do remember to thank Him back. Without His help, people might just see us as another layman.

Its not everyday people can easily compliment you, thus, appreaciate it, and say Alhamdulillah..

and someone once said to me..
"Semua yang Allah reka cantik.. pokok cantik, laptop cantik, maka, ...(ur name)...pun cantik jugak."

There are times when we received a compliment, we might quetion one's sincerity.
This is wrong,we cant judge one's sincerity. One's sincerity is one of Allah's secrets.

Ibarat seekor semut hitam yang merayap-rayap di atas batu hitam di tengah malam.

hanya Allah yang tahu keikhlasan hati seseorang.

Being the "jahil" me, i have always questions one's sincerity, in the past that is..
thus, i would like to say here that i am trully sorry to anyone who might be affected by my doubts towards your sincerity..haha..

this including you ___(ur name here)___

Well, that is all fr now i guess..gonna lay down fr a while..
*i hate getting headache fr no reason..sabar2, ujian kot ni.. ;P *

BrAiNs vS. bEaUtY or bOtH??

Seorang non muslim menghadiahkan ku hijab.

2009-01-16T17:24:00.006+08:00

salam

Kisah ini ialah sebuah kisah benar yang berlaku pada diriku dalam tahun lepas(2008).
Walaupun ia telah lama berlalu tetapi terdetik dihujung lubuk hatiku ini untuk publish al-kisah benar ini ke dalam blog ku dengan harapan agar beberapa hati akan mendapat hidayah Allah..InsyaAllah..

For three months I was forced by the government to live my life in a training camp at Kem Setia Ikhlas Semenyih Selangor Siri 5/ Kumpulan 2. I was one of the trainees destined for something challenging I guess. Personally, I think the government has amazing instinct on which name/ID no to be the lucky ones to be going for this PLKN programe.

Indeed I not only made a lot a new friends, but I also gained a lot of experience in self-defence, discipline and most importantly, discovering myself..my abilities, my social capabilities and my confidence.

In camp, all of the muslimah were ordered to wear the hijab. Entering camp, I hesitated whether to wear them, but then it was compulsory,so whether we liked it or not, all of us muslim girls have to wear it.

I know I would not be able to speak of all my wonderfull experience in camp, thus I will just skip to the part relevant to this particular post.

I have a friend, and till now, I still text him, but not always since both of us are busy. He is a good friend of mine. He is from Sabah and his name is Fernandez Telipus. What attracted me to be friends with him is that although he is a Christian, but he is very much interested and is quite knowledgeable about Islam.

His family was once Islam, but then when his parents got separated, his father got the custody of him and his siblings and his father converted to Christian or should I say murtad. His mother remained in Islam and I guess that’s where he learned all those things that he knows on Islam.

It was the week after all of us had a one week break( if Im not mistaken, but I remember it was a day after a holiday). All of was were eager to meet up with each other again cuz we were already bored staying at home. Seriously, we all loved staying in camp, and although we had that one week break, but all of us was very much excited to see each other again!!

I was clearing up my locker while listening and laughing around to all of the stories that was being told in my dorm. Suddenly, I received a text from Fer, which is also from the same company as I am (Charlie!!). He told me he wanted to see me tonight to pass something to me. I told him to give it to me at the dining hall after Isyak.

Although the dining hall were bustling with us trainees including our teacher, he came to my table, placed a black plastic bag on my table, smiled and left.

After climbing back up to our dorm (literally climbing up around 60 stairs!!), I opened the bag and a black hijab fell from it. I almost cried as it is the most touching thing a person had ever give to me. I was touched, truly I was. And partly, guilty. Why?! because..

Because during our one week break, I went out with all my other Charlie company dorm mates and we hanged out at Times Square. That afternoon when I came back to camp, I got the news that somehow, he knew that i did not wear hijab outside of camp.
That night i felt really devestated. I felt as if, if this one non-muslim wants me to wear hijab and take care of my aurat, then imagine how much Allah wants me to take care of His gift to me..

I consulted my friend and she said that I have to correct my niat first of whether to wear a hijab or not. After finishing camp, i thought of it really well.
Then, 2 days before I entered INTEC, Alhamdulillah, I opened my heart to be fully dedicated to my beloved religion. Many things started to change for me. Its a tough ride at first, with disagreements from my friends(except my besties of course) and also some other people whom are important in my life..

I realized that dedication needs sacrifices.

Istiqamah dalam segala yang kita lakukan. We cant expect everything to change overnight..

And thus, here I am now. I am not perfect.
There are lots more that I want to experience in my life. And I am sharing this experience to all so that InsyaAllah we can all realize that Allah loves us all dearly, and His Hidayah can come in any form, have faith on His promises..

salam

RISE FOR GAZA ~ aMaN PaLeStInE

2009-01-10T14:36:00.007+08:00

salam

bismillahhirrahmanirrahim

Alhamdulillah hari ini sempat diriku datang ke Stadium Melawati Shan Alam (bersama2 senpai2 dan kak usrah baru..heee~~ kak ashira..) bagi memberi full support kpd rally Rise for Gaza.
Eka sendiri harap je..kalau stadium tu penuh semua..mesti lagi "gempak"..tp apakan daya..
Namun begitu, semua para saudara mara ku yg datang semua mmpunyai semangat yang berapi dlm diri utk menunjukkan kpd Israel yang walau apapun diaorg buat semangat jihad, persaudaraan dan kekuatan umat Islam, especially kat Malaysia makin kukuh!! insyaAllah

HANCUR KAU ISRAEL!!
MMG XLAYAK KAU BERNAFAS PUN DI BUMI PALESTINE!! KAU HANYA PELARIAN SEMATA-MATA!!

sUpPoRtErS Yg mAnTaP

PiDaTo oLeH SeOrAnG TeTaMu dArI GaZa
(al fadhil dr najib??tu yg didgr,kalau silap tlg betulkan..arigato)

jOm pIjAk tHiS SyAiTaN In tHe fOrM Of lIvNi tZiPi?!

jOm pIjAk bEnDeRa cOuNtRy yG TAK EXIST ni..

balInG KaSuT PaDa bUsH??ada sorang adik tu baling 4 kasut sekali!!sugeeh la adik!!

Tak terasa ku ingin tulis posting ini panjang2 sbb takut nnt kalau makin tulis, makin marah, maka, nnt makin akan mengeluarkan perkataan2 buruk...

Jadi kita teruskanlah dgn main points..
1) Updatekanlah diri anda selalu (jikalau BOLEH..insyaAllah) dgn berita2 terbaru yg berlaku di Palestine..
X kah kita malu kalau kita xtahu mahupun xambil kisah ttg apa yg berlaku kat saudara mara kita kat Palestine??

2)Jangan lupa tuk update ttg perkembangan dalam negara sendiri jugak!! Kita semua tahu kan maksiat kini makin byk..terlalu byk...and ramai yg xsedar lagi...
Lakukanlah apa yg kte boleh buat walau utk selamatkan segelintir shj..tp asal kte tau kita dah buat something..

3) Sokonglah boikot barangan Israel dan Amerika yg sedang giat dijalankan..
Kalau kita SEMUA boikot satu barangan maka impaknya amatlah besar..bukankah begitu?!
(Ku pinta boikot especially McD and Starbucks because both this giant companies made an agreement to help Israel by giving them their profits..plz..)

4)Sekiranya kita xberkesempatan utk mnhulurkan derma pd tabung Palestine..ingat lah mereka dalam doa mu..
Tak taulah samaada kta sedar atau x, sbnrnya pejuang2 Islam di Israel mmg jauh lebih bagus dr kita semua...
Brothers and Sisters kita kat sana mmpunyai kekuatan hati yang mantap kerna jihad mereka yang teramatlah tinggi.. Keyakinan mereka terhadap pertolongan Allah amatlah tinggi..
Maka marilah kita sama2 contohi mereka dan mndoakan supaya Allah menghantar anjing2 Allah utk tumpaskan Israel..

Hatta, ini sajalah yg sempat ku luahkan..

HIDUP PALESTINE!!

salam

Ini ujian siapa?!

2009-01-09T13:12:00.002+08:00

و من لم يهتم بأمر المسلمين فليس منهم

BARANG SIAPA YANG TIDAK MENGAMBIL BERAT TENTANG UMAT ISLAM,MAKA BUKANLAH DIA DARI KALANGANNYA.

"Aku bersumpah,aku bukan umat Islam sekiranya aku tidak kisah akan apa yang berlaku di Palestine pada masa kini."

salam
sedang detik yang berlalu ini, agak banyak usaha yang dilakukan umat Islam utk memupuk kesedaran terhadap saudara mara kita di Palestin. Boikot yang sedang dilakukan ketika ini mmg mestilah disokong dgn full force oleh semua umat Islam..
Tak matinya kalau kita tak makan McD atau minum Starbucks..
(Think about it, bknnya kita boleh save duit saja kalau boikot, kte blh kurangkan intake on unhealthy bad food, hatta, tingkatkan kesihatan diri.)

Diriku sendiri berasa bersemangat pabila melihat umat2 islam, saudara mara kita yang lain mengambil berat terhadap penduduk Palestin yang bermati-matian mempertahan kan Harta Seluruh Umat Islam..

Tp tatkala begitu,kadang2 sedih juga kerna still ada org yang tak kisah pn akan apa yang sedang berlaku di Palestin..adakah mereka buta??atau malas nak ambil tahu kerna ia tidak melibatkan mereka??
Sampai begitukah tahap keegoaan mereka sehinggakan tidak mengambil kisah sedikit pun ttg Palestin.

Baru kebelakangan ini diriku ada contact dgn kawan lama and bila dibukakan topic Palestin..maka responnya terlalu sedikit..diriku sendiri mahu tahu apa pendapat org2 lain..tp jelas bahawa mereka bukannya tidak tahu..cuma mereka tidak sedar akan kepentingan perjuangan rakyat Palestin...jihad yang dilakukan oleh rakyat Palestin..

Ada segelintir yang berpendapat bahawa kejadian di Palestin ini ialah ujian daripada Allah kepada umat Islam di Palestin..

TAPI TIDAKKAH KITA SEDAR??!!/ WHY ARENT WE REALIZING THE REAL TRUTH?!
apa yang berlaku di Palestin bukanlah satu ujian hanya kepada mereka...
TETAPI IANYA SATU UJIAN KEPADA SEMUA UMAT ISLAM SELURUH DUNIA...
Allah nak melihat sama ada teguh atau tidak kesatuan Umat Islam seluruh dunia??
Sedarlah bahawasanya umat Islam di Palestine sedang bertungkus lumus untuk menyelamatkan harta umat islam seluruh dunia..Masjidil Al-Aqsa..harta umat Islam..

all of the riot that is happening in Palestine are not only Allah's test to His ummah there but to all ummah's of the world!!
He,Ya Rabb, wants to see whether the bond that ties all ummah together in a religion called Islam is strong or weak??
Are we failing His test?!

What can we as Malaysian Muslim's do?!
Speak out!!Tell all about the suffering that our relatives in Palestine are facing..
Donate money to charity body such as Mercy fr them to provide food and medication..
and most important of all...what everyone is urged to do...
is DOA..PRAY...to Allah swt to lessen the burden of our beloved fighters..ease their suffering..

DOAKANLAH SUPAYA ALLAH SENANTIASA BERADA BERSAMA SAMA MEREKA!! MENOLONG MENUMPASKAN ISRAEL DAN TENTERA2NYA YANG JELAS BODOH, JAHIL DAN TIDAK BERMARUAH..

salam

To : Whom it may concern

2009-01-07T06:51:00.002+08:00

I hate it when the feeling of emptiness creeps over into my heart.

Some of those are the feelings that kept playing over and over and over again in my brain till it somehow manages to put me to sleep at night, here..This is how I am feeling somehow,

I am me..
full of laugh..
full of crazyness..
but I can be independent and confident (really eka?! are you sure??)
…moving on…
I can be a great friend, also your worst?! enemy..( okay not that worse but still,I can be very mean)

everyone grows up differently according to how they’re raised..there is no right nor wrong with that fact..now let me just say something..
how you were raised determines who you are today..

Right this instant, its starting to come to me that my personality doesn’t quite fit into the perfectly beautiful puzzle of where I am now. It feels as if I don’t belong here amongst all these great minds whom also has a very big heart. I envy the people around me..how can they be sooo PERFECT IN MY EYES?!
It feels as if I am being left out in the fast moving pace of geniuses who I to admit of having pure hearts..strong and is not damaged by today’s roller coaster world.

Sadly, I am not one of them and I cant keep up with them,I tried being myself..well,it seems like some people just think its either irritating, cocky, snoob(however u might spell it), and some other words which I do not want to ever mention..

Being here, I feel as if I have to create a whole new other me?! I hate it cuz it feels as if I am lying not only to dearest me but also the people around me! But what can you do if you just DON’T FIT IN?!

Its hard to not think about it as its not something that you can easily push aside..

GeT ExCiTeD...ITS NEW YEAR!!!!!!

2009-01-01T00:15:00.002+08:00

salam

wah!!!

first post utk 2009!!!

hahaha!!

i am soo very excited right this moment..

some ppl arent too excited i dont know why..

SOME EVEN ASK ME WHY I AM SOOO EXCITED..

well..its 2009..

there is this someone whom i chatted during the new year's countdown..

he asked me why should i be excited for a day??

i answered that it is not just another day..

its a day of a year worth of reflection!

thats how i look at it..

and you should too..

dont be confined in your own world..

be free..

for just one day..celebrate the fact thAT Allah had given you the chance to live for another year..

yes, i know..we do it everyday..
dalam doa,dalam sujud..

but for one day..think of it as a whole year..

you will appreaciate your life MORE!!

enough said..

have u made ur 09 resolutions??

i have..and i am keeping it to myself..

thats all..

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

disertakan juga dgn doa agar kte semua dipanjangkan umur...

AMIN!

salam.

cErItErA DaRi cHaNgInG RoOm??

2008-12-27T01:57:00.005+08:00

salam

woah!!

daunting kan tajuk tu..

anyways,this is what happened today..

My family and I ate lunch at Kenny Rogers (cuz my relative who worked in Sabah came by)

So...

after lunch..we stopped by at a boutique..i wanted to buy a tudung and my mum checked out some baju..

kay,the deal is my sis was suppose to take care of my bro Danny..

somehow,his hyper-active hormone starts shooting and he ran towards the changing room..
Instead of ur normal door, the room was closed by a thick curtain..

The climax is that Danny went and pull one of the curtain!!!and jeng3x..

there was someone inside..

IT WAS EMBARASSING for my sis that is..

ALHAMDULILLAH, the girl still had her clothes on..

so it wasnt a total embarassment..

and alhamdulillah the girl just smiled when she saw Danny..wakaka..

My lil sis was mad at Danny though..

I came a bit later to check out whats goin on..Danny then pulled me and mua sis into another dressing room JUST SO HE CAN SEE HIS REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR..

he loves mirrors i tell ya..ceyh..kids..

anyways, my brilliant sis then took out the camera and started to take pics..

She's so vain i tell ya..

~bIlA xDa kErjA...aMbIllAh GaMbAr!!~ nge~~ (danny buat kAwAiI)

the end..

salam

who would you blame?!

2008-12-24T12:40:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum

Everyone in this world is weak. Whether you realize it or not, we commit sins almost everyday of our lives. Alhamdulillah these small sins can be easily forgiven if we continuously remember Him.

‘maka ingatlah kapada-Ku, Aku pun akan ingat kepadamu.’
(Al-Baqarah,152)

Only the strong ones are able to remember Him always and forget about all the lies the world holds. Its not easy to become strong at heart. Sometimes, sacrifices has to be made.
Sometimes you not only have to get rid of that bad part of you, but you will have to change as a whole, and most of us are not ready for that transition.

We are too caught up with what the world offers to us.

‘Setiap yang bernyawa akan merasakan mati. Dan hanya pada hari kiamat sajalah diberikan dengan sempurna balasanmu. Barang siapa dijauhkan dari neraka dan dimasukkan ke dalam syurga, sungguh, dia memperoleh kemenangan. Kehidupan di dunia hanyalah kesenangan sementara.’
(Ali Imran,185)

I myself make mistakes sometimes. Its easy to just forget about something. Can you say it is our fault then? Who would YOU blame?

I don’t know how to be strong at heart. All I know is that if you have niat yang ikhlas, sujudlah pada-Nya, then insyaAllah, He will guide you.

It can make you cry sometimes thinking about other people,the people you love. Thinking about when they will get His hidayah as well.
Our power is only limited to guiding them the way, and the rest is up to Allah.

“Jalan dakwah tidak mudah dan halus serta bersih, jalan dakwah itu curam sekali yang penuh dengan halangan, penuh dengan onak dan duri, badai sering datang menghadang. Berjalan di jalan dakwah memerlukan ketabahan dan pengorbanan yang besar!”
(Pudarnya Pesona Cleopatra – Setitis Embun Cinta Niyala.)
(Habiburrahman El Shirazy)

I myself am writing this post as a reminder to me.

I am ending my post with an original pantun,

Setiap ujian perlukan ketabahan,
Yang hanya boleh dikurniakan oleh-Nya,
Segala yang diberi mengikut ketentuan,
Maka, berikanlah cintamu hanya kepada-Nya.

Assalamualaikum

m.a.d

2008-12-23T23:49:00.006+08:00

life always have its ups and downs..

currently, im feeling the very low of it..

and the most frustrating fact bout it is that i know why i am feeling mad at myself..is just that i refuse to blame myself..

there is just those moments in ur life where you feel as if everyone is leaving you and your at the lowest point..

im mad at myself..

i am mad at myself for being weak..

i am mad at myself because i wanna cry but tears refuse to come out..

i am mad at myself for being so blind..

gEnTiNg HiGhLaNdS - sejukk...

2008-12-23T16:26:00.011+08:00

salam..

diriku ini bru balik dari genting highlands..

trip ngn family..

and paling special FIRST TIME BWK ADIKKU..

nge~~

adikku..(emir 'patrick star' danial)

suhu dsana skrg sejuk glr...

wawawa..musim hujan kan currently..

kayh..agak malas nak type byk2..pics jelah..

KaMi

paling pendek and paling tinggi dlm family?!?!

uiks..danny dah penat dh??(lepas main snow world nih..)

kAmI sUkA BeRgAmBaR...

(mama dibelaKng)

hehehe...byklah lg gmbr2...tp malas ku mau post semua..

and gambar kt snow world blm discan lg..maybe dlm future post...

salam

~kekalkan ukhuwah~

2008-12-18T22:55:00.009+08:00

salam
uits,tday was i very fun day..

I went out with some old friends which two of them i havent seen in years!!

We hanged out at Sunway Pyramid..

doin the casual things teenagers do i'd say..

Watch movies and eat..(and gossip)..

muahahaha..okay not literally..

just catching up with each other...

Here are those who were with me (nge~~)

1)Izzah Basri (one of my closest friend!! doin dentistry at UCSI under jpa gak, and missing her boyfriend..nge~~mentang2lah dia dh bpunya..weeekkk....)

2)Puteri Ameera (omg, the last time i met her was like 6 years ago!!! i was shocked and ecstatic to see her again!! ha...she's doing accountancy in KYUEM under Telekom..waa...rindu glr when i met her just now..)

3)Atiqah Radzali(the last time we met was at a gathering at Marissa's hse sblm time SPM ayte??

wewewewewe...still the most bising you are tp okaylah graceful sikit...waaa!!!!Studying in UiTM Shah Alam..together with Nik Mahirah.. =P)

me and izzah..(thanks izzah fr the cute sweater..nge~~kembar xseiras!!..nnt kte pakai kt kolej..

howh..gempak tuh..sweater girlie.. =P)

izzah ngn atikah

me and puteri ameera

me and izzah

izzah,me and puteri (atiqah naik kereta sendiri..waja beb..nge~~)

okayh, one of the main reasons im posting this is not to show off that i went out tdy but to make us all realize, no matter how long we get seperated..true friends will forever be with you..

The strong bond that we created gets stronger although we dnt met a lot..

Ukhuwah ialah sesuatu yang perlu dipelihara.. sedih kalau ianya dipandang sbg sesuatu yg remeh temeh with a dont care attitude..

So, kekalkanlah ukhuwah anda..walupun dgn satu sms..

salam.

p.s=pics lebih korang taula mana nak dpt ek??waa...tp betulla..agak lembab!! nge~~)

Sedar..

2008-12-16T08:20:00.007+08:00

salam

kayh...i've been realizing lately i've actually posted loadz of serius stuff..
well,thats the side effect of getting too long hols..

byk muhasabah diri...
wakakaka..

anyways.,

for this posting..i would like to share on some thoughts that i came up with yesterday after doing loadz of thinking..(hehe...lps tgk House..)

For those yg tgk...mmg touching kn to see how a person can change another person in a instant!!

Fr those yg x..tunggulah ulangan..wewewe =P

Friends..

among the main reasons Allah wants us to make friends is for us to reflect and think back about our attitude,thinking(mentality),and lifestyle..

Its soooo common for one to advise the other to always find good friends...
but how do you know?

A good friend makes you think...

nge~

They make you realize all ur weakness..and it is merely up to you to make some action on it..ayte??

Now..i have a question thats been lingering in my head frm last nite..

DO BAD PEOPLE DESERVE GOOD FRIENDS??

okayh..mmglah soalannya senang and semua of coz akn dgn skemanya kata YA??ayte??

Think about it first..

DESERVE??
i dont think so..
okayh..secara rasionalnya..a good friend fr sure akn influence kwn yg x seberapa baik..

TAPi!!!tapi,tapi,tapi...

we cant change a person!!

The only person we can change is...DIRI SENDIRI!!!

yes, boleh influence...tp at the end of the day..or weekends..or months..(=P)
its the person itself yg kena ambik action!!

Pemikiran lg kuat dr tindakan..

Ya betul....tp apa guna pemikiran kalau xda tindakan??

cm membazir je..

The problem that i see now..(last nite)

is that kadang2..org letak HARAPAN yg teramatlat tinggi setinggi tinggi tingginya langit..(to infinity and beyond)..kpd seseorg utk btukar..
utk balik kembali ke jalan yg benar..
utk SEDAR balik dr lalai..

TAPI..sebenarnya xboleh mcm tu..

TIME...
(ceyh...ambil sikit dr House)

TIME CHANGES THINGS...

tp bukan itu je..
pernah x kte fikir..klu kte nak influence others..ada sestegh perkara ttg ourselves jugak yg kte kena CHANGE??
Apa yg kte blh buat..as humans..as hamba Allah yg lemah..
kte hanya blh bimbing diaorg towards the two things yg blh menukar hidup seseorg..

Al-Qur'an..and Sunnah Nabi Muhammad SAW..

Klau betul secara ikhlas kte nak tolong org tu..
baik2 tunjuk kn jalan kat diaorg terhdp these two things...
tu ja yg kte blh buat..

apa yg lepas tuh..antara dia and Allah SWT..

okayh lah..

Hatta,diriku ini hanya nak mmberitahu bahawa kte xboleh paksa seseorg itu utk change mcm tu je..klu history dia xberapa baik..jgn discriminate..
dgn baik,bimbing dirinya..

meow..(uit??bimbing kucing?? =})

kerana apa yg dia perlukan is a FRIEND to help him or her SEDAR..

salam.

BANGUN KEMBALI..

2008-12-12T21:50:00.004+08:00

assalamualaikum,

starting2 ni nak shoutout kpd FAREZZA(farejjah!!), BUN BUN!!, FAEL(happy bday),MASLIRA(mas babe!!),NASEYHAH(nasey!)....ngeheheh!!rindu ah korang!! xsbr nak reunion dowh!!

okayh,nak mula niyh..
pada suatu hari yang mulia, diri ku ini, telah membaca satu blog, okaylah 2 blog..
yang membuatkn diri ini sedar..
diriku ini lemah..teramat lemah..
(paan jangan nak kutuk ek...org nak serius nih)

okayh..
dua makhluk allah ini bermadah pantun(serius tunggang langgang, tp dapat ar isi tersiratnya)
membaca "pantun" mereka membuatku terasa lemah...
ku sedar tahap keimanan ku lemah..
tp apa yg telah ku buat utk menaikkannya kembali??

suria, my dear bestie, my dear sister,
u know me better than anyone else in this world..
i guess only you would understand it if i say that before this i was clearly blind to islam..
am i right??
i was a muslimah..but not a strong muslimah..
ayte??
every problem that i faced before this, i have always try and get your opinion on it...

okaylah *bm lah plk*

bila difikirkan kembali,
hidup ku dulu terlalu penuh dgn kelalaian..
sampai tahap exstrem(agaklah)...
tp xla lbey ek..

back to my first point..ada ditaip tdkn yg diriku ada terbaca blog 2 hamba allah ni..
okay..yg mmbuatkn ku tersentak(literally), ialah the fact yang tentang...hidayah..
dikatakan hidayah bleh dicari??(something like that)..

dalam hidup ada byk persimpangan...dn dalam salah satu simpang itu..jika ditakdirkan.. jalan yang kte pilih itu, Allah akn ketemukan kte dgn hidayahNya..

looking back,ku rasa, diri ini pernah mndapat hidayah itu..
terasa amat amat amat sayang sgt sgt sgt sekali kat Allah, sbb selamatkn diriku dr lembah kelalaian..

kini, semua yang berlaku pd masa lepas, ingin ku jadikn sejarah(okay,mmg dh sejarah)..
ingin ku jadikan iktibar(yes, thats the word)..

diriku yang lepas, dan diriku yang kini,amatlah berlainan sekali..
pandangan, rasa, pemikiran..lain sama sekali..

hanya berharap orang disekeliling ku menyedari kelalaian mereka jugak...

kak ain (kakak usrah ku sayang) pernah berkata kepadaku "Hidayah itu milik Allah, and kte xbleh paksa seseorg utk kembali terus ke jln yg benar walau kte mmg nak sgt2!!"
"apa yg eka bleh buat then??"
"doakan saja supaya org yg kte sayang dpy hidayah Allah juga..""

akan selalu ku doakan..

"kalau terjumpa, segera ku genggam,
tapi akhirnya ia kembali kelam.. "
-pak cik paan poyowh-

hidayah boleh datang dan pergi..dan kali ini ku berharap ia boleh kembali semula kepadaku...agar dapat ku rasa kemanisannya semula..

kuatkan hati, BANGUN KEMBALI (susah,but nothing is impossible!!) agar InsyaAllah akan dikurniakan Hidayah Allah..

salam.

this thing..what is it called again?? yeah..i forgot..love..

2008-12-06T15:20:00.001+08:00

6/12/2008 10:28 am
Last night I was startled by ‘something’ I read ‘somewhere’ which made my mind, heart and soul restless. I felt weak as if something has possessed me inside. I should never ever let my feelings control me, at that moment on I knew what it was exactly.
Here I would like to confess the truth that liking someone is not worth your precious time at all. It made me think, why would we want to waste our precious, precious time on earth remembering someone that clearly does have any feelings towards you??
It is a waste of time and “orang yang suka membazir ialah kawan syaitan”. Whether you realize it or not, it’s clearly unworthy wasting your love away like that. Being in love releases endorphins, and to create this hormone your body is going to need many resources. Do you really want to waste your body’s resources into creating something which is clearly unnecessary?? NO!!
Open your eyes, STAY STRONG, you can survive through this..
Why waste your time liking someone who only regards you as a friend??
I would say all your love should just be channeled towards the following:
1 ) your parents
2 ) yourself
3 ) Nabi Muhammad s.a.w
4 ) and most importantly.. ALLAH 4JJ1
Come to think of it.. I would say people who are in love are weak..
WEAK! They can’t control their own emotions..
Emotions like this should be kept away..locked, burned, tossed away, or whatever else that can make it f-ing go away..
It is one of syaitans main power to drag human being to a disastrous life..
This thing called love will eat you alive, I am warning you..
If you felt it before, it might taste sweet at first, and all sweet things tend to make you thirsty, your throat will need something to quench it thirst, just as you will be weaker as you will crave more love and this will lead to …
You might think that you are strong enough to survive it, but your not..
We all are WEAK HUMAN BEINGS, “Setiap yang hidup itu akan mati”
Doesn’t that make you realize of how weak we are??

I will not criticize our weakness further more.. we all know where we stand in ALLAH’s view..
Judge yourself..
Think..

Xoxo,
Irina waldorf

still at home

2008-12-05T13:42:00.002+08:00

waaaa...

im damn bored..
hibernating almost every day...

huhuhuhu...

sedeyh glr...
knpla u guys kena bz sgt dudes!!!!!

sobsob..

anyways, cant wait fr xmas, nt tht im celebratg it tp ada reunoin!!!!!
hehehe..kemsis reunion..wowh..
cant wait..

kikiki...

tau x im going mad w/out u guys nowadays..

suria..wawawa....i nak lepak wit u...again..

one week has passed

2008-11-25T11:59:00.002+08:00

wawaawawaaaa...

its been one week since hols started and i have done basically nothing much..

was out a acouple of times but hvnt lepak with my mates yet..*cuz u all are darn f-ing bz*

wawawa....

anyways, here are a few highlights of wat happened in the last week of my life..

1. went to ulu yam with usrah group.
2. MY LEGAL 18 BDAY!!!!
3. ?!?!?!?!?! lepak kat rumah..
4. termenung...*muhasabah diri,waaaaaaa......*
im planning on changing a few things to my personality bfore next sem..
LAY LOW...THATS THE KEY BABE..

anyways...yup, basically nothing much happened..

im uploading pics of ulu yam's trip and bday pics in my fs..

and just a few here..

***to lina:huhu, gomen ne, ambik kat fs kte eh.. email fr fs: erina_1811@hotmail.com

kikiki...

okayh then, tata fr now..

love always,
xoxo,
irina waldorf

bye bye finals

2008-11-14T12:46:00.002+08:00

Today is a very historical day as i bid farewell to my last finals paper, Stats.

I have to admid i am feeling a bit sleepy while writing this blog, considering me being sleep deprived the whole week..wakakaka...

weyh, if u could see me now, then im sure u can interpret my tiredness..

sorry lar guys u have to read all my craps..wakakakaka...

i am f-ing glad its over...hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

although there are a few papers in which im quite down about..

BUT ENOUGH OF IT!!!
WHAT IS IN THE PAST WILL STAY IN THE PAST...FFFFFFFOOOOORRRRRREEEEEEVVVVVVVEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

kekekekeke... =P

i just cant wait to hang out with u guys...

suria, i know u have classes...but we have to go lepak fr at least one day...
plz dude....
huhuhhu...
my bday wish...
lepak sekejap je kat starbucks ke...
damn lama glr x minum java choc babe..

huhuhuhuhu....

anyhow,
i am writing this to inform u that ur bestie is constantly having a hollow feeling in her soul..
i dont know how to explain this but we definitely have to talk it over..

i need u =(

i am being affected by my past and only u guys know bout it..

i cried over it last nite thinking of how sucky my life is..

it sucks more when u dont have anyone to talk to about it..

its hard to trust new people..

i only trust u guys..
do u know how badly i miss u now???

huhuhuhuhhu....

i need to get out often..
ill be hanging out with my sis more i guess sine u suria is tooo damn f-ing busy...
though im not blaming it to you, directly..but yeah..its ur fault..

huuhuhu *cries*

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....
I MISS THE OLD CAREFREE DAYS...

time changes everything aint it??

well f it..i dont give a damn..

i am going to enjoy my hols to the fullest at least fr now...

kayh then...enough with all the blurbs..i have a date with 'bantal and katil'..

bye bicycle..kekekekeke..
*roomate secret code*
wawawa....

salam

reflect

2008-11-07T13:50:00.003+08:00

salam,
im taking a few hours off study..

kekeke...
currently browsing through some quotations and i would love to share some wic struck my heart deep..

Liberating the heart can be attained through four virtues: humility before Allah alone, needing Allah alone, fearing and respecting Allah alone, and hoping from Allah alone.
Said al-Hiri

Sickness of the body appears with pains and aches. Sickness of the heart appears with sin. Just as food has no taste when you are sick, so the heart feels no flavor in worship when it is mired in sin. - Dhunnun al-Misri

So long as you are close to that which is not Allah, you will always be troubled and sorrowful, ascribing partners to Him, and unable to escape the burden of your sins.
‘Abd al-Qadir al-Jilani'

thats all for now..

salam

xoxo,
irina

heavy hearted

2008-11-06T18:22:00.003+08:00

i feel very sad i could cry right now i could cry..

i never had this feeling before..
it feels as if there is a heavy load of weight on my heart and because of that i cant focus in my studies..

its my fault actually fr trusting a person too much..
should not have done that..

i feel very weak right now..
very stupid and its killing me from the inside..

this feeling f-ing sucks as i cant do anything to cheer myself up..F!

suri, ili, izah...anyone...call me...
cheer me up..

i need u guys here..
=(

xoxo,
irina

3 post in a day

2008-11-04T22:28:00.002+08:00

wow..

surely u might think that i hav nothing to do tday..
evidence: 3 blog post in a day.

bapak banyak...
but im just gonna blab unimportant stuff cuz i know only my besties will read mua blog...kekeke..
so i can surely talk crap and use bad words as frequently as i love...
waaaaaa!!!!
kekeke...

i am like takin a short(kononnya) break from my biology study...wakakakaka...

i am gonna blab about this song thats playing on my laptop currently...
its TOKYO from the singer YUI..
she's from japan..

the song is awesome...
wakakaka...and i love it..

dgr tau dude..
if u want the song txt me or buzz me on messenger..
wakakakaka...

anyhow, betta go sambung my training for the big battle...
wakakakaka....

xoxo,
irina

p/s= 2 more week till im legal!!!wakakakakaka...
clearly,i think something is wrong in that phrase..but what the heck...who's gonna f-ing care..
i dont...wakakakaka....

i read this....

2008-11-04T17:38:00.000+08:00

kekekekeke...

---------------NOVEMBER BABY --------------------

Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and

dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.

Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards

your inner and outer beauty and independent

personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional

and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people

easily and very social in a group. Fearless and

independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a

crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the

greatest men are born in this month. If you ever

begin a relationship with someone from this month,

hold on to them because their one of a kind. repost

in 5 mins & you will excell in a major event coming

up sometime this month.

and most of it is true...wakakakakakakaka...

cant wait for the sem break

2008-11-04T16:51:00.002+08:00

I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE SEM BREAK!!!!!!!

i have loadz of plan but the main point is i cant wait to spend time fr me, myself and i..

lolz...

ilianna if ur out there u promised to make me go nuts this hols..u better dude..
i miss you...
wakakaka..

i wanna hang out and laugh the whole day..
lets play bowling and go mad (as usual)..
hear all ur stupid fart jokes...
make fun of other people and their clothing...
wakakakaka...
i love being mean wit ya dude..
this year i hope to have 2 cakes so i can eat one(duh..) and i can play with the other one!!!!!!!

hihihihiihi...

suria!!!!
we have to go shopping together dude!!!!
waaaaaa......
my dear s, i need new clothes..wakakakaka...

but before i can eve dream of having new set of clothes.. i have to sit fr my finals in which i cant wait for it to be over!!!!

wakakaka..

pray fr me besties..
i love ya!!!!

c u on the hols dudes!!!!

wakakakaka....

thats all fr now..huhuhuhuhu....
back to the books id say...

sobsob...

xoxo,
irina kawaii

HARI ANUGERAH PELAJAR

2008-11-02T22:45:00.004+08:00

SALAM

on the 31st october last friday..INTEC had this Hari Anugerah Pelajar, I went representing IE..
*sedih x, my own president xnak i represent ALMEC..
wakaka.. but i didnt mind cuz it didnt matter that much..
I was there to know about what is going on..

The dinner arrive really late and my stomach was already grumbling but the waiting was all worth it when the food finally arrived..hahahahaha...
zahara and ain were already restless btw..
kekeke..they were half crazy in the bus towards the venue..
wakakaka...neways, yes the dinner was fantastic especially when i get to see musaddiq and hisham dress up in their best outfit..
i saw them as i arrived and almost melted..they looked really smart..
=P
hihihihihih..

thats all fr now..
xoxo,
irina

scribbles

2008-10-27T02:32:00.003+08:00

salam

i havnt conteng my blog in a long looooong time eyh.. during this period of time i have done a lot of thinking and observation of my life and came up with very interesting result..and now i am doing a discussion about it..*muahaha, it feels like i am writing a bio report..wakaka*
I am not perfect..
I was not who I am today. mY lifestyle was totally different from before i set foot in this placed called INTEC. My first impression of Intec is that it is for all the smart boarding school kids..
I am not from boarding school and my exposure towards the real meaning of life is totally different as i had to learn and start off everything myself..

Living in intec is totally different than living in my previous school assunta.
I have not done anything bad in my life and i thank my mum for that for she had guide me throughout my life and bcoz of her, im here studying in intec..

Currently, I feel like i am living a double life.. Intec life and Home life..

I is totally different i tell you..
the environment, the interactions and its hard to adapt to both..its harder when almost both of the aspects of these are opposite..do you get me??

I felt free in intec..to do whatever my heart wishes and i am glad to have good friends surrounding me..
At home, its a bit restricted..right down to the point of whatever i do..
My mum forbids me to stay in my room too much as she wants me 2 take care of my brother.. I dont mind that..but it became one of the main reason that i cant study at home..
And that is what i love about intec, i can actually study there..if my housemate dont bug me..
There is always competition in INTEC and that is what keeps you all fueled up to learn i guess..

I really hope that people would understand me..
I am me and i cant have double personality to fit both worlds..
That's hard..
sometimes i cant cope up with it emotionally..

To all the people in my home world, I am sorry that i have become quite distant from you.. I do hope that you would accept the new me.. To all the people in Intec, my friends, brothers ans sisters, I am sorry for the person I was once, and I hope that you would only see the new me.. If its the old me that you cant accept, then its the new me you cant accept too as i would admit that the old me made me metamorph into a new me.. *hope i dont confuse you with that*

anyhow, life is a learning process and i am still learning to keep up with everything that i learned in my life.. it has indeed made me more mature and look at life at different perspective..

everyone has their own stories and backgrounds..as for now..this is just a brief information of my life and i am typing this out so that i can reflect on it whenever life throws me down.. xoxo, irina

havnt been updating it fr a long time

2008-10-25T11:51:00.001+08:00

salam..

waaahhhh...

finally i can breath cuz study leave is finally here..

it has been super duper hectic and i bet all alm student can confirm that fact..

haha..

im gonna make this post short as i have to get ready to go home now...
kay..

salam

xoxo, irina

Tagged by Amirul

2008-09-20T17:27:00.004+08:00

salam..haha..

so am i suppose to do this mirul??
wah!!!

15 weird things you might not know about Eka Irina

1) used to be awarded as the 'class nerd' during form 1 (i looked physically nerdy)

2) used to be very fat during standard 6..hehehe..

3) used to be very dark during form 2 (was in the marching band and we practised under the BLAZING HOT SUN A LOT)

4) loves vegetables (i can settle being a vege any day except during raya..hehe..cant resist rendang!!!)

5) i used to be obsessed about gerard way(my chem's frontman)

6) during high school, many people thought that i was the youngest in the family bcoz of my playful-ness...hihihihi...

7)this is weird but i like to peel my dried lips..(now i constantly put on lip balm to moisten it =P)

8)hehe..i like to sleep on cold tiles..rather than my bed..

9) i like my toilet to be constantly clean and smells fresh.. =D

10) my housemate says that i look like Catherine Hiegel(i dont know how to spell the last name but she's Dr.Izzy frm Grey's Anatomy)

11)nescafe every morning = wajib.. or else i'll have migrain!!!hah!!!

12) i like to play sarcasm with my sis just to annoy her..hehe..

13) do not really like screaming kids..hahaha.. (have my bro fr that)

14) always trying to make new food by mixing any food in the house.. (im the house chef..seriously..ask my housemates..they enjoy my cooking!!!..)

15) i enjoy being alone.. =P weird huh..

conclusion..i am me and if you dont like it then thats ur proooobbbbb....not mineeee....

hihihi...

salam..

xoxo,
irina KAWAII

how long has it been???why???

2008-09-19T15:07:00.001+08:00

salam.. good day...

what a busy week it has been.. i seriously am glad that the weekends is here!!! oh...so many things happened in just one week???can you believe it??
okay lets begin..

monday (15/9)

da nite before i kinda had an 'issue' with my bestie..and it put me of the mood fr anything..suria said that i have changed,and yes..i do agree..if only u guys see the good side of me now... but somehow im not sure why is it that you see the bad side of me.. i would say that the bad side of me is that i forget my friends..my old friends..not completely fr sure but if only u guys know what i have 2 go tru everyday... although i do have friends here in intec..but it feels very different..it feels very lonely inside..as i admit,here, in intec i dont have that many close friends..okay none close friends...all of them seems to have their own clique..and being the odd one i suppose makes me feels kinda awkward around them...i never told anyone bout this bcuz seemingly i wanted to just keep this to myself..let the feeling bury and never return..although i does sometimes pay me a visit..and that is when it sinks in deep into my heart..
the only way i can get over it is to just keep myself busy..

tuesday (16/9)
it was a very busy day as i was scheduled to have class direct frm 8 to 6pm..
thank god it ended at 5 something...
anyways, i was not in a good mood again today.. lately ive been realising that.. most people view me as a competition...why???
i dont understand..if only they know the real me..the weak eka irina who deep down seems to care too much bout other people not realising that no one actually cares fr her back...
am i too kind??why is it that when im mean to people its super obvious but when im kind to people..they just dont seem to appreciate it..im not asking them to say it out loud..but at least they could just help me when im in need..
my notes is always being borrowed..but why is it when i need help..there is no one there to grab my hand?? i dont understand..what is seemingly wrong with me??

wednesday(17/9)
its nuzul quran tday..
and im in my house cahtting away with my bestie..trying to sort things out, finally..
now we r in gud terms.. she expressed to me all her feelings.. and to my shock.. she said something that is vey deep to me.. "youre selfish"
i didnt know what to say or do..am i???
is that one of the bad effect frm the new me??
is it wrong to focus on yourself when you know the people around you never cared bout you??

is it wrong??is it my fault??
tell me..tell me its not my fault i am what i am today..help me..

thursday(18/9)
another busy day..its buka puasa almec hicom day..
the food was nice and i think it was worth it..
thank u all hicom-ers..

its surprising that u actually learn something new bout yourself every single day withiut you even realising it..its true..
i realised my social status in intec..
i mean that..
sometimes i wonder is it my quiet personality that scraes people of frm talking to me..am i boring??
if only they know my real personality..
yes i am quiet..but i greatly appreciate a company who is just willing to sit by me..
i dont mind not talking at all..the safe feeling of having someone there wit you is already satisfying..
anyways,at the almec buka puasa i realized not many guys nor girls have the guts to talk to me...Y???

friday(today)
i interviewed 4 people(3 girls and a guy) today...and asked them a short question..
do i look like i have a boyfriend??
and guess what they said 90% yes..
very shocking...as i never expected that answer at all..
they said that its because of my looks and personality (what??) yes ,WHAT? the very question that constantly lingers on my mind..why??

is it wrong being independent??
if only they know where i came from..

IF ONLY..

xoxo,
irina_kawaii
<3

one of my favourite song

2008-09-18T23:10:00.001+08:00

enjoy.. kawaii!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DayRtlDtfg

xoxo.
irina

still alive and breathing

2008-09-13T17:25:00.000+08:00

salam..

heylowh..

havnt been updating my blog in a long time..

anyways..okayh...

last week i had my driving test rite..

I PASSED BABY!!!!!!WOHOWH!!!!!!

it was super nerve-recking!!!!!!

i had my 'on the road test' first... i was super scared cuz i had a hunch dat i would suck and end up hitting a car..but guess wat....i enjoyed my driving..cuz it was like my first time driving without having my nagging instructor beside me!!!!!!
wahhhhh!!!! was super happy when i saw dat i got 17/20 (wic i think is the standart max mark cuz i askeda round ppl who passed)

okayh,then moving on to the 3elements shits...
i did my bukit...and all was fine except at the bukit when i wanted to go down,my tyres "screamed" but i managed to roll down smoothly anyways...hehehehehe....
then mt parking...(wic i always suck and my mum told me that she had to repeat her parking when she took this test yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssssss ago) , my heart was pounding...mainly cuz i cant wait fr this to be over....i parked perfectly in the box....hehe...very pleased with it btw.... then my fav 3 point turn...ah-mazing...

i felt super happy after i did everything and my instructor then told me 2 go to the office straight and do my license...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

nice eh!!!!! =P

neways..that day was superly busy cuz straight after myt test i went to intec and managed to attend my first almec meeting.....hehehe....

afiq gave his last speecha s mr president...
very cute cuz his dedication towards his post was noticable...
nice one abang afiq!!!hehe...( he hates being called abang)

after the oath taking ceremony...the new board had our first meeting where we discussed bout the majlis buka puasa fr next week..

buzy3x

plus im gonna have my english essay test next week...better carry on with my research/studies then...

catch u guys l8r...i miss u!!!!!

xoxo,
irina kawaii

stupid driving school

2008-09-08T09:04:00.000+08:00

salam..
morning..

okay supposely i am to have my driving test tday at1 but then he changed my stupid f%@king time the last minute!!!!

WHAT?????

and that cost me like LOSING MY FIRST ALMEC MEETING!!!!!!!

HOW F#*KED UP CAN MY LIFE BE MORE???

i seriously did woke up at the wrong side of the bed tday...

yesterday i wasnt in the mood either..i had my driving lessons and *surprise,surprise*
i still suck????

last week i tested and all was fine...could not wait to sit fr my test and bcuz of ydays testing???

i f*%ked up tday...

anyhow...im just waiting fr time to pass by now......

wish me luck fr my test..im going to need it badly!!!

xoxo,
irina_ ^not in a good mood tday^

2008-09-06T18:34:00.000+08:00

im back..

and kinda feeling stressed cuz i havnt been studying much lately..

and assignments are pilling up..

and plus..im having MATHS EXAM next week..

better study..

owh yes..im also having my DRIVING TEST next MONDAY!!! (finnalyy..after postponding it fr like 2 months?!?!?!)

haha..during my last class..i almost ran over this car cuz i didnt use my side mirror!!

kahkahkah..my driving instructor was lik "weyh,nak mati ke?"

hehe...srry sir...

anyhow..im gonna try and do my best ..always heh..

cuz thats wat u need to always do in life..

okay then..before i end my post..a shoutout to my bestie..suria!!!

when are you gonna call me
dude?!?!?!

thats all fr now..

xoxo,

irina

ms vice president

2008-09-06T17:00:00.000+08:00

salam..
hehe...

yup..im in the almec council..and im very happy!!!!!

cuz not onli i get to be in the council..i get to even become the vice pres!!!!!

i was superly majorly freakishly shocked as crap!!!
i didnt expect that at all!!!!

and the best part is that 70% of it is based on the voting!!!!
oh..im sooo touched!!!!

THANK YOU TO ALL MY VOTERS AND SUPPORTERS!!!!

GAMBATTE AND GAMBARIMASSU!!!!!!

xoxo,
EKA IRINA @blairyna
vice president of ALMEC (hehe)