After so long~

Salam
I cant even remember the last time i updated my beloved blog..
maybe its because i dont have that much things to say lately.. I have been thinking a lot about changes, over the years, people change.. for the better, or otherwise..

I remember one day in college, I felt 'down'..u know, the empty feeling..
it should not have surfaced in my heart, as i am a Muslim..
In the heart of a Muslim is Islam.. =}

I felt restless that evening, none of my housemates were home yet.. and I was alone, thinking..
What have I turned into?
Where was the old me?
Why am i becoming someone whom i oppose years ago?!

This is not me.. I used to be a snob and only concern of myself.. (i know, its bad)

I called the only person who realized my changes throughout the years, my best friend..
Oh, how i longed to just sit and chat with her~ but i have to remember, she has her own set of problems and i should not burden her more..

She told me "Sometimes, changes are crucial.. you wont realize everything that is happening around if changes do not take place.. You have changed my dear, but you are still you..surely you are never lost.. Allah is always there for you.."

In my perspective, to change, is the ability to assimilate the new things you have discovered about youself with the old, real, pure You.

We know, even Allah said, some things that we like is bad for us, while those which we think that are not good for us, actually is beneficial to us.. It 'saves' us from certain 'disasters' which only He knows.

I appreciate it a lot when people give their advice to me through their personal experience. Its refreshing to know that we are all the same. Humans with sins, imperfect, but struggling to achieve the highest state of connection with Ya Rabb, all within our own abilities.

All these while i am asking to be near with Him,Ya Allah.. but why do i keep forgetting that He is near!! Closer to me than the vein running through my neck..
Ya Allah, am I the one backing away from You??
Astaghfirullah,I seek forgiveness from You, for i have been blinded by the world all these while..
I should have been more aware.