Heavyhearted~

Salam

No, im not heavyhearted because im going back to college. Im excited actually. A chance to become independent again as this is the time you realize that all your actions would not only affect yourself, but others around you too. For example, the simplest action of not taking out the trash. *im sorry dear housemates :{ *

I just hope that now, the people in my 'Priority List' are the right people.
It feels sad sometimes thinking of the fact that i keep on falling down the same hole of the same road.
I know that deep pit existed there, i know how deep down it goes. I know of the feeling of trying to climb back up again. The loneliness, the burden, the things i would have to face. There are times i wish i could just stay down there.

A Sufi's life is a life fully dedicated to Allah. (Correct me if im wrong)
I know the very fact that you would have to always face everything alone in this life, and in the afterlife.
I know the very fact that you are carrying your own sins, not others, and you cant carry other people's sins, even the ones you love and treasure...
which makes me think sometimes...

I wish i could be a Sufi. That.. is not entirely possible.
I have commitments... as a daughter, as a student, as a friend, as an observer.
These are the very reasons that kept me moving on, and not only think of myself. How nice is it would you think to be able to be given the chance to remember Allah all the time. That would be very sweet (:

A dear friend once told me "Orang yang berilmu dan beramal lagi tinggi dari orang yang beramal sahaja."

SubhanAllah. I wish i could be a part of that, but im not. I know i am.

If I were.. (put stress on the IF word)

IF I were to not do the job that I am suppose to do, then would i be considered as selfish? because i would only think of myself?

Astaghfirullah

Now, this is what I understand (again, correct me if i am wrong)

I am to aspire the people around me to turn towards Him, including myself. I am willing to accept this with an open heart as i do not see this as a burden.
I am to do this though, within my own limitations.  

Limitations. 

Something that you wont realize until you TRY.

InsyaAllah. I will try.

Countdown 2010

Okayh, a new year.
Too bad this time, i cant enjoy the fireworks with my darling Patrick Star (Danny) + my mum + my annoying sis. Oh well... no biggie anyways. :(

I scream for Danny!

Salam Awal Muharram!

Salam

Reading through my last post regarding my lappy does bring back that 'stabbing' feeling through my heart. owh, how life has been for me, for us! Look at us..we have become all too dependant on technology, until one day.....?! My dad told me story of his colleague, whereby her 7 years of research for her Masters GONE, and no others copies of that research was made. What a loss..

Above all, i believe that there is a reason behind all that happened. In my case, i'd prefer to keep it to myself. hehe. Anyways, enough of that, my lappy is fixed now, and im gonna take care of it really well from now on. ;P

I woke up this morning and watched a small part of this morning show on tv1. Its called 'Nasi Lemak Kopi O' (haha, Mr. Allan's breakfast list).
The male TV host was very much sarcastic, but i kinda like the way he handles the show. Anyways, i just watched a small part of it, and there was something that he said that sparked something in my mind. Its the way that we humans like to take everything the easy way.

He said, "Sekarang ni semua orang nak senang, sebab tu lah kita tengok selalunya solat raya lagi ramai yang isi masjid dari solat yang hari-hari, kan? Sebab sekali setahun je."

I dont really know the extend of how true this might be, but i do kinda agree. That's my view anyways.

During my hospital attachment to the pharmaceutical department, the case is almost similar. Whereby, the person in charge (i forgot his name ;P) said that people dont like to take daily medicine. If they were to choose between meds which they only had to take weekly, or a meds which they have to take twice a year, they'd prefer the latter.

We always want everything to be easy for us. Istiqamah is indeed something hard. Especially in doing things out of your norm. All hard beggining have a happy ending, depends on how we perceive it. They say if you do things 44 times, then insyaAllah, the 45th time and so on wont be such a hasstle, as they have become part of your daily routine. There will always be challenges ahead, preventing you from doing things in which you know you have to do. So why be weak and let those small stumble prevent you to keep on walking and enjoy the scenery of your life? Get up! ;)

This year, i wish to find back that special gift in which i know i have lost :(.. but bear in mind! i want to find it back!
i know i will find it again one day, and i mustn't stop finding it. yes! ;)
Salam Awal Muharram everyone.

Mourning?!

There goes my lappy..

My life. My pictures. My life. My reports. My life. My writings. My life. My papers. My life. My dear lappy. 

Owh dear lappy~
I pray for ur health,
please recover, please recover,
Dont forget me. Dont forget all our work together.
I know at times i might not treat you the way you deserve to be treated,
but please know that i will forever love u as u have served me well.

My dear lappy~
please recover well.

p/s - akmar, was planning to do ur tag, but that might take some time, maybe after my mourning?! :(

The things that i miss..

..currently that is..

1. my bestie (Suria) : always busy, even on my birthday :[ (evidently i cant be mad at her that long, so i hope that she will at least take me out)
2. my room back in college? haha, i like the privacy. And the fact that i can go out, anywhere i like without having to report back to my mum every hour or so (just joking)
3. some parts of my old self. Its still in me, i just have to find a way to bring it back out.

There are times whereby i am trully amazed at how some people are so strong in a sense that they pretty much dont bother of what other people say about them. Where do they get that will power and strength to just do whatever they want?

anyways, enough of me, me, mee..
lets talk about 'kueh teow' (hahahahahah!! sorry, lopeks seketika)

I confronted a friend of mine the other day (hoho, nothing serious though) and i asked her where have she been missing all these while? Evidently, she was busy, i know, but she could have called. (im sure u can pretty much guess who im talking about)

The main point here is that, sometimes, despite ur busy-ness. We have to learn to make time for the people we love. Everytime my mum asks me out, somehow i would hesitate, but when my friends asks me out, then it is ON! Im starting to think that this is not supposed to be so, but still, a balance of both is needed. Just tilt the balance over to the family side more. Yes,yes, that will do.

Owh well, we certainly have to always move on, for the better.